Redemption Song

weekly photo(s): watching the egret hunt

2012-02-10T11:39:00.000-08:00

miles thinks he is such big stuff these days...

weekly photo: maximum capacity

2012-02-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

i'm going to attempt to post at least one picture of each or all of the kiddos on here each week. i rarely actually keep up with "schedules", but at least it will keep me taking pictures a little more. this is from our walk today...marit and graham usually take turns walking, but by the end everyone was tired and crammed in our wonderful stroller!

highs in the 60s in feb?

2012-02-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

i'll take it! we'll take it and take ourselves on an afternoon hike. what is amazing is that adam had the afternoon off and we remembered our camera! even more amazing is that we also managed a lunch date first thanks to our sweet neighbor. whew...this day has been good for our souls. i'm so thankful for my husband and for creation to point me to Jesus. i have not been very good at documenting these rapidly growing people lately, so here are some photos from our nature walk today...
collecting treasures

silos that seem like they should be in LOST

having fun and wanting the camera

spanish moss reminds us of papa's beard

girlie loves to run...maybe she will join me someday on early morning runs like i used to do with my mom...

graham stopped at every bench and said "i found a bench so we can rest!" like he had put them there just for us

thankfully we remembered to empty graham's pockets before throwing his pants in the washer...such a common occurrence to open the drier to find rocks, snails, blocks, acorns etc...he is a collector:) once i saw him put an earthworm in his pocket...thankfully that did not make it to the wash.

on the way home

on trains

2012-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

my brother and sis-in-law took advantage of all their india train riding to make this cool video for my train-obsessed nephew. and really, what little boy isn't train-obsessed. i think it's pretty neato myself...

on dropping naps

2012-01-19T10:23:00.000-08:00

sweet graham rarely sleeps during rest time anymore. he is still in that transition and i go back and forth about whether i would rather coax him into an afternoon nap or for him to go right to sleep at night. it results in a lot of crashes on the couch when we are reading books in the afternoon or evening. i love to look at sleeping children, so i want a few on here. he may hate me for taking these one day...

and sometimes when he does sleep, it seems impossible to wake him

on a related note, here is some post-sleeping morning hair

15 months: busy and messy

2012-01-19T08:01:00.001-08:00

i've been trying to capture miles on camera lately because he is at this wild stage of non-stop moving and shaking around the house...all kinds of dangerous and messy ideas and activities attract him. my simple job is to keep him from getting injured and it seems to consume most of my time lately...

he is 25 lb and 31 inches-50th percentile
he can walk but doesn't usually, preferring crawling (faster) or being toted (lazy)
he talks all kinds of cute gibberish---"diggle nimmle diggle..." i recognize a few words here and there like uh-oh, dada, and mama
we love this little boy, still super snuggly and i don't mind that a bit.

my weight for leg-extensions to help my runner's knee

playing mommy, daddy, and unwilling baby

on daughters and body image

2012-01-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

i have all these thoughts rolling around in my head and adam took the big kids swimming, so bear with me while i process out loud. i read this article by janell burley hofmann about an experience she had with her seven year old daughter (7!!!) after her daughter confessed feeling "fat." it's a good read and made me cry, surprise surprise. i could not help thinking of my beautiful daughter and the conversations we are sure to have in the future. i could not help but think of my childhood and the fear and control that gripped me in my middle school years as i desperately wanted to be "thin."

it is such a touchy issue with women...this topic of beauty and weight and health. we struggle to be thankful for how we were created and to fight self-loathing and destructive tendencies. we struggle to not compare with others, to not be defensive when people express concern. our culture is hard on women...telling us lies about what real people look like and act like and our information age puts overwhelming amounts of info in front of our faces all the time enticing us to think there are quick fixes and essential ingredients to happy and healthy lives. and well, we are just sinful and we twist things. like anything else good, we broken messed up folks can turn health and fitness and beauty into idolatry.

i admire hofman for the way she faced head-on her own insecurity about her body with her daughter. and while, i'm sure we disagree on many things (girl-power, self-confidence etc), i think she makes a good point. our daughters will learn from the women in their lives. adam noted, that insecurity about body cannot be dispelled in an instant. it is something we must cultivate and encourage...this looking to Jesus for security and identity. when they are young, mommy is so important. marit is just 4, but i pray that she will find rest in Jesus so that when she is more influenced by peers, she will be confident in Him and His loving work in and around her. do i really believe that i am created beautifully by God in His image? of course our motives are always mixed and kids have a way of seeing through them...little perceivers that they are. am i telling marit one thing and acting something different out for my own body? of course, eating well and exercising are ways we can take good care of the gift that is the body, but am i emphasizing it right in my own life, with my words and actions?

what do i know? we have not had these conversations at all yet, but i want marit to know from now until forever the truth: you are beloved by God. you have been created by God. no amount of striving for perfection in any area of life, be it having a perfectly thin body or achieving excellence in some sport or art will ever ever satisfy. only Jesus can satisfy the longing in your heart to belong and to be loved. everything and everyone else will fail.

i want to live this struggle openly before my little girl. i want to repent of my own sin to the Lord and if it is helpful, to her. i want to preach the Gospel to myself so often that marit overhears it and preaches it to herself.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in you body. 1cor 6:19-20

this article is great too regarding body and performance and being loved by God.

Christmas footage

2012-01-14T04:50:00.002-08:00

this year, we mostly stayed here and people came to us several days before Christmas. i liked it that way. my sister and husband came from chicago, my brother and sister-in-law and kids from athens, my parents came, we MISSED abe and bethany who are living in India right now. it was a lot of chaos, but good to be together. we took a day-trip to see my dad's side of the family on one day. on Christmas eve and day we saw adam's parents. i took maybe 2 photos the whole week, so these are all from my dad.
messy gift exchange...so fun!

cousins testing out the playroom bed

kroc center to the rescue on a cold, rainy day to get the kiddos some energy-exertion

family walk...we were going to carol, but the weather did not allow

dress-up!

duets!

lips!

eliza meets my sweet grandma

jeremiah and aida discuss

most the great-grands watching amahl and the night visitors

mom and sisters

story time with papa

"christmas" dinner prep(on dec 22)

on christmas morning with their scarves and pottery i made for them...

picking char char up from the airport

shelter

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

my favorite song today...

In the arms of a good Father
You can go to the deep water
Where the questions, we have left unspoken
Come out in the open
We will find shelter here

So I lay down, what I cannot hold in my hands
Every sorrow and hope spinning out of control
And here I find sweet resolution comes in letting go
And we will find shelter here

When I look back I can see,
And when I am old I'll remember these things
Like a mountain of stone
And the longing that makes me believe...

There is a tree by the blue river
Where the shade stretches wide over
In this breaking we are hand and glove
Come with me my love
We will find shelter here
We will find shelter here...

on milkshakes

2012-01-12T05:21:00.000-08:00

Motherhood & Work: Too many straws in my milkshake | Rachel Jankovic from Canon Wired on Vimeo.

i found this encouraging today. "stop calculating how much you have to give..."
i appreciate her humor and real-life experience...her book is a treasure too.

our mighty hunter

2012-01-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

do you see this precious boy with big brown eyes and a dirt-streaked face?

he caught his first lizard yesterday all by himself. i heard him catch his breath and move very quickly behind the playhouse and then proudly walk out holding the lizard by his tail. unfortunately, squeamish mommy let him escape when we were trying to transfer to a creature keeper. "bye bye lizard, you can go back to your fambly." i have a stash of old plastic jars and containers for all the creatures they like to catch and just one rule: do not bring yard creatures into the house. usually their conscience is pricked and they let them go back to their "famblies" within the hour anyway. after graham's escapades yesterday there was this conversation:

adam: graham, that's a real milestone for a little boy!

graham (in his toughest voice): yeah! now i'm a lizard hunter!

marit took this one of us...isn't he so big?!

haircut for snuggle bug!

2012-01-06T16:10:00.000-08:00

adam finally agreed marit could get a haircut it was her first one...we've been trying to convince him for a while. her long hair was so pretty, but prone to painful tangles and super slippery so it always just seemed kind of a mess. she was soooo excited because she associates haircuts (not long hair) with Rapunzel. mommy got a much-needed trim too, though not nearly so dramatic.

what's next for my favorite doc

2012-01-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

we enjoyed a fairly quiet advent season...maybe i'll post some pictures later if i get to it. i posted on here a while back to pray for our future decisions about adam's career. thank you for those of you who prayed for us to have wisdom. we now know what adam will be doing for at least the next 2 years and we feel excited, peaceful, and thankful that we have been led to this path.

so GUESS WHAT?

at the end of adam's residency in internal medicine (hereafter referred to as IM) in july, he will start another residency in emergency medicine (EM).

are you shocked? don't worry, it took me an entire week to be able to discuss this in earnest. it wasn't really fair that he sprung it on me the week of my sister's wedding. i think i said something like: WHAT?! I CAN'TTALKABOUTTHISRIGHTNOW. i didn't really yell...my style is to just leave the room and bury myself in something much less important. you see, residency has been hard. it has been sweet too and there has been sufficient grace for every difficult, exhausting month, but there have been moments where i have just felt this tremendous and lonely burden for everything. of course, the Lord has taught me much about my need for Him and my idolatry of particular circumstances (such as some mythological situation in which my husband does not have to put in much time at work, or when med-school debt magically disappears). anyway, i prayed and prayed for the Lord to change my heart and give me an excitement for what He called adam to or for Him to redirect adam. well, adam has remained steadfast and i have warmed up to the idea. the Lord has given me a real joy to see adam take hold of something he feels called to and go with it even if it seems a bit strange or means those med-school loans won't get paid off as quickly.

ok, so why EM? during his emergency month this summer, adam came home every day so excited about all the things he had learned to do. he loves IM and is glad he did it, but he began to see a vision for how useful IM and EM could be together. EM offers a very broad type of training: from pregnant women, sick kids, broken bones, wounds, trauma...and these are things adam wants to know how to treat. we do not know what the Lord is preparing us for ultimately, but EM is so useful overseas for example or in clinic settings. he will be set up to be very versatile and with healthcare changing so much these days, that seems wise.

we are thankful for:
*a position being offered to adam outside the match here in our city so we don't have to move...paperwork turned in today! this is a unique opportunity and adam is very grateful.
*save a couple rotations (trauma and ob), adam will mostly be doing humane 9-12 hr shifts in the ED with a reasonable number of days off so it is a fairly family-friendly program. no more 24 hr call!
*adam will go ahead and take his IM boards so he can moonlight a little here and there so we can very slowly start chipping away at this med-school debt
*i am so thankful to see the spark in adam to learn and grow as a doctor. he is beyond excited. what wife doesn't want her husband to enjoy his job? and for us to be unified and peaceful...we have had some agonizing conversations about what to do in recent months.

thank you for your faithful prayers!

and furthermore

2012-01-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

maybe i will not be surprised by the broken-ness in other people...can i acknowledge their weakness too? can i not hold them to unrealistic expectations? can i affirm Christ's work in their lives without feeling insecure? by God's grace, i hope so...

All My Favorite People

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know

Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just wanna hold you
And let the rest go

All my friends are part saint and part sinner
We lean on each other
Try to rise above

We’re not afraid to admit we’re all still beginners
We’re all late bloomers
When it comes to love

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know

Orphaned believers, skeptical dreamers
Step forward
You can stay right here
You don’t have to go

Is each wound you’ve received
Just a burdensome gift?
It gets so hard to lift
Yourself up off the ground

But the poet says, We must praise the mutilated world
We’re all workin’ the graveyard shift
You might as well sing along

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know

(As for) your tender heart—
This world’s gonna rip it wide open
It ain’t gonna be pretty
But you’re not alone

‘Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know

Orphaned believers, skeptical dreamers
You’re welcome
Yeah, you’re safe right here
You don’t have to go

‘Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me
I should know

Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just wanna hold you
And let the rest go

in 2012

2012-01-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses... 2 Cor 12:9-10a

i think this will be the verse i cling to as this new year begins. no resolutions for me, just longings to be content in Christ and to rest at Jesus feet and allow His lavish love and redemption to inform my identity. can i just be weak and let Him be strong? i've very much been feeling weak here lately and fighting with my overly-introspective/analytical/comparison-driven self for joy and peace. i need to wear this shirt adam gave me everyday i think:

and let go of all the failure/inadequate/fear-driven thoughts and rest in Jesus and His perfect work and His perfect love. here is to hoping you and i both can claim His promises to live fruitful and faithful, God-glorifying lives in 2012.

steps!

2011-12-30T17:42:00.000-08:00

here is brief footage of what miles has been toying with for quite sometime. at 14.5 months, he is our earliest walker and has not fully transitioned yet. what is amazing, is how happy the little guy is when practicing his new-found skill. he has been super frustrated lately with desire to walk, molars erupting, and ears infected. i love to see his sweet happy side again. so thankful for our little bald butternut.

Christmas photos

2011-12-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

as our family grows, capturing framable photos becomes more challenging. so for the first time since our wedding, we had someone take pictures for us. we were so thankful for our talented neighbor and her willingness to do this for us. thank you anna! i'm so glad we did this because the little people are growing up so fast and i want to remember them at this precious age. we went to our favorite park, a special place to our family and she just photographed away...

merry Christmas to you and yours!

this would have been our send-out picture since we are all smiling and looking, except for where my hand is holding wiggly miles. oops.

there's still my joy

2011-12-20T03:55:00.000-08:00

i heard this song on molly piper's blog yesterday and thought it was so beautiful! family starts arriving today, so wishing you a wonderful Christmas in which you know the "Word made flesh" a little more fully.

I took my tree down to the shore
The garland, and the silver star
To find my peace, and grieve no more
To heal this place inside my heart

On every branch I laid some bread
And hungry birds filled up the sky
They rang like bells around my head
They sang my spirit back to life

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Through all my tears, for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas day

The snow comes down on empty sand
There’s tinsel moonlight on the waves
My soul was lost, but here I am
So this must be amazing grace

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Beyond these tears for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas day
There’s still my joy for Christmas day

Lyrics: Melissa Manchester
Performed by Indigo Girls

the spirit of Christmas

2011-12-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

been feeling sort of shy over here lately, but i want to put this here so i can remember.

my mom found this essay on an ancient news-clipping in my sweet grandma's Bible. i think it is a lovely reminder and reflects my grandma's unselfish life.

Excerpt from “The Spirit of Christmas” by Henry Van Dyke 1905

ARE YOU WILLING TO FORGET
what you have done for other people and to remember what other people have done for you, to ignore what the world owes you and to think what you owe the world, put your rights in the background, your duties in the middle distance and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the fore ground,see that your fellow men are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy;
close your book of complaints and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness--
Are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

ARE YOU WILLING TO STOOP DOWN and consider the needs and desires of little children; remember the weakness and loneliness of those who are growing old;
to stop asking how much your friends love you and ask yourself whether you love them enough, to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts;

to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want without waiting for them to tell you;

To trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you;
To make a grave for your ugly thoughts and a garden for your kindly feelings with the gate open;

Are you willing to do these things even for a day?
Then you can keep Christmas

ARE YOU WILLING TO BELIEVE that love is the strongest thing in the world – stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death– and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the eternal love?

Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you can keep it for a day, why not always. But you can never keep it alone

From “The Sprit of Christmas“ 1905, Henry Van Dyke.

Grace?

2011-12-01T05:38:00.000-08:00

What is grace? Is it a sprinkling of fairy dust, a warm, happy feeling? No. Grace is a power that lifts you out of the domain of darkness and transfers you to the domain of light. Grace is God's magnificent power erupting in your heart and soul by his own intervention so that you move from death to life, from darkness to light, from hell to heaven. Grace is power that is embodied in a person.---joseph r. ryan

it's Advent!

2011-11-27T17:54:00.000-08:00

can you believe it is already here? so this post is a bit late i guess...if only fdr hadn't moved thanksgiving from the 3rd thursday in november, we would have more time to prepare for advent...

i'm just going to post a few resources we have been adding to our family traditions that have been an encouragement to us.

Devotionals:
*love love love Ann Voskamp's jesse tree devotionals...beautifully poetic Gospel words. last year we read them after dinner and it was so encouraging...a bit over tiny one's heads, but worth it still. if you subscribe to her blog, the devotional is free to download and should appear as a link at the bottom of her posts.

*i just bought this new e-book Truth in the Tinsel over the weekend for $3 (i think it is back to $5 now that black friday is over) and i think it will be a great resource for our kids...seems really aimed at the younger ones. and i don't know about yours, but mine seriously dig some craft projects. this lady gives you a craft idea for each day of advent with clues, supply lists, directions, and devotional.

*i ordered some jesse tree ornaments from etsy a while back because i am not super crafty, but if you are and want to make one real quick or for next year, my friend lauren gives you directions.

*i'm getting out this book again to read during my quiet early morning time to help me ready my own heart for this reflective season. it can be so busy, but i want to take this time to be still and savor the beauty of the incarnation. this book is a collection of writings about the Christ coming as a babe.

music:

*snow angel by my favorite band ever is such a good listen...some traditional carols rearranged and then some originals (one of which my blog is named after). there are a couple love songs too as the band is a husband-wife duo and Christmas time is a romantic season is it not?

*your King has come by indelible grace is a great album too with lots of traditional Christmas hymns revisited in creative ways. the words are so rich on this album

i think i need to download some new Christmas music this year, though...what are your favorites?

Christmas daddy-date

2011-11-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

we started a new daddy-daughter tradition this year (though if i'm honest, i hope mommy gets included one of these days when we can afford it:)) of attending the performance of the local ballet's nutcracker. marit LOVES to dance so this was super special for her. we kept it a secret because she likes surprises and so that she wouldn't chatter on and on about it in her anticipation and make graham sad. i've included a video of when adam tells her where they are going. apparently there was a little confusion about whether they would be watching or performing:)

"in the harvest feast...

2011-11-24T18:52:00.000-08:00

or the fallow ground, our certain hope is in Jesus found..." sandra mccracken

it was a harvest feast today though with adam's sweet family and we are so thankful for so many blessings, including all 6 of these precious children 4 and under!
micah and miles

asher and graham

marit and lorelai

*shout out to my parents and siblings who i missed terribly today. we are so thankful for you too. love you guys!

give thanks

2011-11-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

hope your thanksgiving is wonderful and gratitude overflows!

give them grace

2011-11-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

adam and i have slowly been making our way through this book. thanks to night float, i finally finished it. i'm just going to process it a little on here. it is threaded with scripture and quotes from martin luther, john calvin, cs lewis, and many others. i must say that as far as parenting books go, it has been like drinking a long cool glass of water for a very thirsty mama. don't get me wrong, it is not an easy read that let's the weary parent off the hook. rather, i found it to be challenging and convicting in pretty much every chapter as the authors declare the Gospel and make much of the Christ's work on the cross and less of my feeble efforts. it was especially encouraging to me as i can so easily fall into works-righteousness and self-reliance and forget that only Jesus can change the hearts of our children.
"We work because we love him and all he's done for us. We work because he's commanded us to work. And we work because he may use our efforts at parenting as the means to draw our children to him. But we are never to work because we think our work will ultimately transform our children. Our works are never good enough or powerful enough to transform any human heart." p 54
the book does not diminish the importance of faithful parenting and discipleship, but speaks eloquently to training too:
“Parents are to discipline, instruct, train, and nurture their children. Only a cold detachment or a selfish disdain for children’s desperate need for direction would cause us to refuse to train them” (p. 82).

but hard questions are asked and truths are spoken...such as "consider your reaction when your children fail. If you are angry, frustrated, or despairing because you work so hard and they aren't responding, then you're working (at least in part) for the wrong reasons. Conversely, if you're proud when your children obey and you get those desired kudos---Oh! your kids are so good!--you should suspect your motives. Both pride and despair grow in the self-reliant heart." p54

or "Is there room in your parenting paradigm for weakness and failure if weakness and failure glorify God?...don't we have to be willing to say that the chief end of our parenting is not our own glorification as great parents but rather that we glorify God and enjoy him forever, whatever that means?" p 149

"so go ahead, Work at being a successful parent. Manage, nurture, train, and correct your children in faith today. Teach them of God's precious promises that are able to transform their hearts. Pray for their salvation and that they would come to know and believe the love that he has for them. But hold all your labors, all your prayers, all your plans very loosely. And make it your overriding desire that the Father would be glorified in every aspect of your life, whichever way he turns it. Perhaps his plan is for your family to be a wonderful example of his grace because you have respectful, obedient children. Perhaps his plan won't look anything like that. Perhaps his plan will be weakness, persecution, calamity, affliction. But whatever his plan is for you, you can rest in the assurance that he will always strengthen you by his grace and for his glory." p155

it has been good timing for us as we are having more and more talking in our parenting as understanding grows and my oh my how we want to spend lots of our words to speak life, Gospel truth, remembering the one good story of Jesus rescuing sinners...holding out that truth to our children and letting their thirsty souls drink.

and also, the book does not directly address this, but i was talking with a sweet friend recently and i think living in light of Christ's lavish grace has to result in humble grace being extended to other mothers. goodness, parenting has got to be the hardest thing i have ever done and the desire to do it well is intense, but no one needs to feel any more like a failure. i (we) can be quick to judge others instead of offering humble encouragement to press into Jesus in those difficult moments with difficult children. i am not a good mom; i'm a weak one, but my Savior is strong and his grace is sufficient for all of us.

stats and stories

2011-11-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

one thing night float does allow is time for me to read or blog after the kids go to bed, so it's a good opportunity for me to put some things here that i would like to remember. yesterday the boys had their respective 1 and 3 year well-checks. we are so thankful for such robust and healthy boys!

miles is 22lbs and 30 inches (both in the 50th percentile) while graham has shot up on the chart to 90th percentile for height and weight. when did that happen? he has passed marit in weight by a couple pounds and is maybe just an inch from passing her in height. people ask me all the time if they are twins because they are pretty much the same size. all three noggins continue to follow that 90th % curve (thanks to my wonderful, large-headed husband). miles had to get 4 shots and a finger stick. he didn't like it, but my compassionate and dramatic daughter shed more tears than he did just watching!

miles loves to pull up on me if i'm sitting on the floor and then cruise up to me and give me a big cuddle hug.

and then he tackles me. he is so sweet and snuggly. it's a good thing too, because he is into everything and getting molars, poor thing.

those pictures reminded me of graham in this fleece two years ago. slow down time!

graham is talking more and more and asking lots of questions and just being really cute lately. recent conversations:

me: "graham what are you thankful for today?"
g: *sigh* "my baaaaby brother. sweet darlin' "
graham likes to "take care of miles" in the stroller or the grocery cart. such a sweet big brother.

while using the potty g told me about someone we saw get pulled over by the police
"he just got arrested, mom. he broke the law. *shrug* so, he lost his privilege. *shrug with palms up* yeah, we always sin." got to love bathroom 3 yr old philosophizing.

marit is always chattering also. she is the family play-by-play commentator. she keeps asking me to make this soup my mom made for her when they visited. apparently it has "chicken, cheese, white beans, and repento beans." and then yesterday we walked outside and marit says "oh mommy! what a blustery day!"

oh my, these precious ones keep me laughing and they keep me praying, knowing i cannot love them well or even come close to parenting them faithfully in my own strength.

not-so-light reading

2011-11-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

adam gave me this book for my birthday and i've been looking forward to it for a while. i just started it and then adam picked it up and it is gripping. maybe i'll write more thoughts once i finish it, but i think this is a very important work.

excellent documentary about the book and piper's own race journey.

Bloodlines Documentary with John Piper from Crossway on Vimeo.

birthday sunset

2011-11-15T17:31:00.000-08:00

the heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork psalm 19:1

i turned 29 today. i am so thankful for all of my wonderful family and friends who loved me well today. thank you. the Lord even gave adam a slow night at work last night so he was rested and able to spend time with me today. and then, this breathtaking sunset on the way home from our run. i feel beloved and am so thankful.

leaves

2011-11-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

i love, love, love this time of year in the south. we finally got around to doing some fall activities around here. it's been crazy as usual and so incredibly beautiful outside that we just haven't been doing many hands-on projects. a chilly saturday morning waiting for daddy to come home from work gave us a perfect opportunity to make a thankful tree...with finger paint.

i painted the trunk and let them use their hands for the fiery leaves

then after each meal, we all get to stick some irregularly (i am not good at cutting) shaped leaves with something we are thankful for. marit's first: "that Jesus died for me." and graham's first: "my brother." my first: "daddy's day off!"

i'm sure i got this idea from one of my mommy friends (tara or nicole or someone), so thanks always for all the mommying inspirations.

i saw this about waxing leaves a couple years ago, but we didn't do it last year as miles had just turned our world upside down a bit. this time marit was a very willing helper. graham was interested for about 20 seconds.

it just preserves the loveliness of fall leaves a bit longer so they don't dry up and crumple after a few days. the only problem is that once you do it, you will not be able to help noticing all the beautiful leaves you missed in the first batch and will be gathering more and more and more and noticing so much beauty in these fall colors.
makes them perfect for making wreaths, or maybe your sweet husband will help you hang them from the window.

hope you have been enjoying my favorite season as much as we have...

solitude, community, ministry

2011-11-09T04:37:00.000-08:00

we read this article a while back as a preparation for a women's ministry event and i have been meaning to put it here. it is lengthy, but so encouraging and centering. in particular i have been thinking about coming to life with the knowledge that i am "beloved" by Christ. i am free to serve, give, be because i cannot be loved any more or less by my Savior; i cannot earn it.
"You have to listen to the voice who calls you the beloved, because otherwise you will run around begging for affirmation, for praise, for success. And then you’re not free."

i'm just going to go ahead and paste the whole thing in here. hope it encourages your heart.

Moving from SOLITUDE TO COMMUNITY TO MINISTRY

Jesus established the true order for spiritual work.

— Henri Nouwen —

The word discipleship and the word discipline are the same word—that has always fascinated me. Once you have made the choice to say, “Yes, I want to follow Jesus,” the question is, “What disciplines will help me remain faithful to that choice?” If we want to be disciples of Jesus, we have to live a disciplined life.

By discipline, I do not mean control. If I know the discipline of psychology or of economics, I have a certain control over a body of knowledge. If I discipline my children, I want to have a little control over them.

But in the spiritual life, the word discipline means “the effort to create some space in which God can act.” Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up. Discipline means that somewhere you’re not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied. In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn’t planned or counted on.

I think three disciplines are important for us to remain faithful, so we not only become disciples, but also remain disciples. These disciplines are contained in one passage from Scripture with which we’re familiar, but one that we may be surprised to find speaks about discipline.

“Now it happened in those days that Jesus went onto the mountain to pray, and he spent the whole night in prayer to God. When day came, he summoned his disciples and picked out twelve of them and called them apostles: Simon, whom he called Peter; and his brother, Andrew; James; John; Philip; Bartholomew; Matthew; Thomas; James, son of Alphaeus; Simon, called the Zealot; Judas, son of James; and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

“He then came down with them and stopped at a piece of level ground where there was a large gathering of his disciples. There was a great crowd of people from all parts of Judea and Jerusalem and the coastal region of Tyre and Sidon, who had come to hear him and be cured of their diseases. And people tormented by unclean spirits were also cured. Everyone in the crowd was trying to touch him because power came out of him that cured them all” (Luke 6:12-19).

This is a beautiful story that moves from night to morning to afternoon. Jesus spent the night in solitude with God. In the morning, he gathered his apostles around him and formed community. In the afternoon, with his apostles, he went out and preached the Word and healed the sick.

Notice the order—from solitude to community to ministry. The night is for solitude; the morning for community; the afternoon for ministry.

So often in ministry, I have wanted to do it by myself. If it didn’t work, I went to others and said, “Please!” searching for a community to help me. If that didn’t work, maybe I’d start praying.

But the order that Jesus teaches us is the reverse. It begins by being with God in solitude; then it creates a fellowship, a community of people with whom the mission is being lived; and finally this community goes out together to heal and to proclaim good news.

I believe you can look at solitude, community, and ministry as three disciplines by which we create space for God. If we create space in which God can act and speak, something surprising will happen. You and I are called to these disciplines if we want to be disciples.

Solitude

Solitude is being with God and God alone. Is there any space for that in your life?

Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It’s important because it’s the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you “my beloved daughter,” “my beloved son,” “my beloved child.” To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being.

Who am I? I am the beloved. That’s the voice Jesus heard when he came out of the Jordan River: “You are my beloved; on you my favor rests.” And Jesus says to you and to me that we are loved as he is loved. That same voice is there for you. When you are not claiming that voice, you cannot walk freely in this world.

Jesus listened to that voice all the time, and he was able to walk right through life. People were applauding him, laughing at him; praising him and rejecting him; calling “Hosanna!” and calling “Crucify!” But in the midst of that, Jesus knew one thing—I am the beloved; I am God’ favorite one. He clung to that voice.

There are many other voices speaking—loudly: “Prove that you are the beloved.” “Prove you’re worth something.” “Prove you have any contribution to make.” “Do something relevant.” “Be sure you make a name for yourself.” “At least have some power—then people will love you; then people will say you’re wonderful, you’re great.”

These voices are so strong in this world. These were the voices Jesus heard right after he heard “You are my beloved.” Another voice said, “Prove you are the beloved. Do something. Change these stones into bread. Be sure you’re famous. Jump from the temple, and you will be known. Grab some power so you have real influence. Don’t you want some influence? Isn’t that why you came?”

Jesus said, “No, I don’t have to prove anything. I am already the beloved.”

I love Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son. The father holds his son, holds his daughter, and touches his son and his daughter and says, “You are my beloved. I’m not going to ask you any questions. Wherever you have gone, whatever you have done, and whatever people say about you, you’re my beloved. I hold you safe under my wings. You can come home to me whose name is Compassionate, whose name is Love.”

If you keep that in mind, you can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity, because your identity is that you are the beloved. Long before your father and mother, your brothers and sisters, your teachers, your church, or any people touched you in a loving as well as in a wounding way—long before you were rejected by some person or praised by somebody else—that voice has been there always. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” That love is there before you were born and will be there after you die.

A life of fifty, sixty, seventy, or a hundred years is just a little moment in which you can say, “Yes, I love you too.” God has become so vulnerable, so little, so dependent in a manger and on a cross and is begging us, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you really love me?”

That’s where ministry starts, because your freedom is anchored in claiming your belovedness. That allows you to go into this world and touch people, heal them, speak with them, and make them aware that they are beloved, chosen, and blessed. When you discover your belovedness by God, you see the belovedness of other people and call that forth. It’s an incredible mystery of God’s love that the more you know how deeply you are loved, the more you will see how deeply your sisters and your brothers in the human family are loved.

Now this is not easy. Jesus spent the night in prayer. That’s a picture of the fact that prayer is not something you always feel. It’s not a voice you always hear with these ears. It’s not always an insight that suddenly comes to you in your little mind. (God’s heart is greater than the human heart, God’s mind is greater than the human mind, and God’s light is so great that it might blind you and make you feel like you’re in the night.)

But you have to pray. You have to listen to the voice who calls you the beloved, because otherwise you will run around begging for affirmation, for praise, for success. And then you’re not free.

Oh, if we could sit for just one half hour a day doing nothing except taking a simple word from the gospel and putting it in front of us—say, “The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.” Say it three times, and we know it’s not true, because we want many things. That’s exactly why we’re so nervous. But if we keep saying the truth, the real truth—“The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want”—and let that truth descend from our mind into our heart, gradually those words are written on the walls of our inner holy place. That becomes the space in which we can receive our colleagues and our work, our family and our friends, and the people whom we will meet during the day.

The trouble is, as soon as you sit and become quiet, you think, Oh, I forgot this. I should call my friend. Later on I’m going to see him. Your inner life is like a banana tree filled with monkeys jumping up and down.

It’s not easy to sit and trust that in solitude God will speak to you—not as a magical voice but that he will let you know something gradually over the years. And in that word from God you will find the inner place from which to live your life.

Solitude is where spiritual ministry begins. That’s where Jesus listened to God. That’s where we listen to God.

Sometimes I think of life as a big wagon wheel with many spokes. In the middle is the hub. Often in ministry, it looks like we are running around the rim trying to reach everybody. But God says, “Start in the hub; live in the hub. Then you will be connected with all the spokes, and you won’t have to run so fast.”

Community

It’s precisely in the hub, in that communion with God, that we discover the call to community. It’s remarkable that solitude always calls us to community. In solitude you realize you’re part of a human family and that you want to lift something together.

By community, I don’t mean formal ties. I mean families, friends, parishes, twelve-step programs, prayer groups. Community is not an organization; community is a way of living: you gather around you people with whom you want to proclaim the truth that we are the beloved sons and daughters of God.

Community is not easy. Somebody once said, “Community, is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives.” In Jesus’ community of twelve apostles, the last name was that of someone who was going to betray him. That person is always in your community somewhere; in the eyes of others, you might be that person.

I live in a community called Daybreak—one of over a hundred communities throughout the world where children, men, and women who are mentally disabled and those who assist them live together. We share all aspects of day-to-day living. Nathan, Janet, and all the other people of our community know how hard it is and how beautiful it is to live together.

Why is it so important that solitude come before community? If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we’re going to expect someone in the community to make us feel that way. They cannot. We’ll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: “I’m so lonely, and you’re so lonely.” It’s solitude grabbing onto solitude: “I am the beloved; you are the beloved; together we can build a home.” Sometimes you are close, and that’s wonderful. Sometimes you don’t feel much love, and that’s hard. But we can be faithful. We can build a home together and create space for God and for the children of God.

Within the discipline of community are the disciplines of forgiveness and celebration. Forgiveness and celebration are what make community, whether a marriage, a friendship, or any other form of community.

What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is to allow the other person not to be God. Forgiveness says, “I know you love me, but you don’t have to love me unconditionally, because no human being can do that.”

We all have wounds. We all are in so much pain. It’s precisely this feeling of loneliness that lurks behind all our successes, that feeling of uselessness that hides under all the praise, that feeling of meaninglessness even when people say we are fantastic—that is what makes us sometimes grab onto people and expect from them an affection and love they cannot give.

If we want other people to give us something that only God can give, we become a demon. We say, “Love me!” and before you know it we become violent and demanding and manipulative. It’s so important that we keep forgiving one another—not once in a while, but every moment of life. Before you have had your breakfast, you have already had at least three opportunities to forgive people, because your mind is already wondering, What will they think about me? What will he or she do? How will they use me?

To forgive other people for being able to give you only a little love—that’s a hard discipline. To keep asking others for forgiveness because you can give only a little love—that’s a hard discipline, too. It hurts to say to your children, to your wife or your husband, to your friends, that you cannot give them all that you would like to give. Still, that is where community starts to be created, when we come together in a forgiving and undemanding way.

This is where celebration, the second discipline of community, comes in. If you can forgive that another person cannot give you what only God can give, then you can celebrate that person’s gift. Then you can see the love that person is giving you as a reflection of God’s great unconditional love. “Love one another because I have loved you first.” When we have known that first love, we can see the love that comes to us from people as the reflection of that. We can celebrate that and say, “Wow, that’s beautiful!”

In our community, Daybreak, we have to do a lot of forgiving. But right in the midst of forgiving comes a celebration: we see the beauty of people who quite often are considered marginal by society. With forgiveness and celebration, community becomes the place where we call forth the gifts of other people, lift them up, and say, “You are the beloved daughter and the beloved son.”

To celebrate another person’s gift doesn’t mean giving each other little compliments—“You play the piano better”; “You are so good in singing.” No, that’s a talent show.

To celebrate each other’s gifts means to accept each other’s humanity. We see each other as a person who can smile, say “Welcome,” eat, and make a few steps. A person who in the eyes of others is broken suddenly is full of life, because you discover your own brokenness through them.

Here is what I mean. In this world, so many people live with the burden of self-rejection: “I’m not good. I’m useless. People don’t really care for me. If I didn’t have money, they wouldn’t talk to me. If I didn’t have this big job, they wouldn’t call me. If I didn’t have this influence, they wouldn’t love me.” Underneath a successful and highly praised career can live a fearful person who doesn’t think much of himself or herself. In community comes that mutual vulnerability in which we forgive each other and celebrate each other’s gifts.

I have learned so much since coming to Daybreak. I’ve learned that my real gifts are not that I write books or that I went to universities. My real gifts are discovered by Janet and Nathan, and others who know me so well they cannot be impressed any more by this other stuff. Once in a while they say, “I have good advice: Why don’t you read some of your own books?”

There is healing in being known in my vulnerability and impatience and weakness. Suddenly I realize that Henri is a good person also in the eyes of people who don’t read books and who don’t care about success. These people can forgive me constantly for the little egocentric gestures and behaviors that are always there.

Ministry

All the disciples of Jesus are called to ministry. Ministry is not, first of all, something that you do (although it calls you to do many things). Ministry is something that you have to trust. If you know you are the beloved, and if you keep forgiving those with whom you form community and celebrate their gifts, you cannot do other than minister.

Jesus cured people not by doing all sorts of complicated things. A power went out from him, and everyone was cured. He didn’t say, “Let me talk to you for ten minutes, and maybe I can do something about this.” Everyone who touched him was cured, because a power went out from his pure heart. He wanted one thing—to do the will of God. He was the completely obedient one, the one who was always listening to God. Out of this listening came an intimacy with God that radiated out to everyone Jesus saw and touched.

Ministry means you have to trust that. You have to trust that if you are the son and daughter of God, power will go out from you and that people will be healed.

“Go out and heal the sick. Walk on the snake. Call the dead to life.” This is not small talk. Yet Jesus said, “Whatever I do, you can do too and even greater things.” Jesus said precisely, “You are sent into the world just as I was sent into the world—to heal, to cure.”

Trust in that healing power. Trust that if you are living as the beloved you will heal people whether or not you notice it. But you have to be faithful to that call.

Healing ministry can be expressed in two words: gratitude and compassion.

Healing happens often by leading people to gratitude, for the world is full of resentment. What is resentment? Cold anger. “I’m angry at him. I’m angry at this. This is not the way I want it.” Gradually, there are more and more things I am negative about, and soon I become a resentful person.

Resentment makes you cling to your failures or disappointments and complain about the losses in your life. Our life is full of losses—losses of dreams and losses of friends and losses of family and losses of hopes. There is always the lurking danger we will respond to these incredible pains in resentment. Resentment gives us a hardened heart.

Jesus calls us to gratitude. He calls to us, “You foolish people. Didn’t you know that the Son of Man—that you, that we—have to suffer and thus enter into the glory? Didn’t you know that these pains were labor pains that lead you to the joy? Didn’t you know that all we are experiencing as losses are gains in God’s eyes? Those who lose their lives will gain it. And if the grain doesn’t die, it stays a small grain; but if it dies, then it will be fruitful.”

Can you be grateful for everything that has happened in your life—not just the good things but for all that brought you to today? It was the pain of a Son that created a family of people known as Christians. That’s the mystery of God.

Our ministry is to help people to gradually let go of the resentment, to discover that right in the middle of pain there is a blessing. Right in the middle of your tears—that’s where the dance starts and joy is first felt.

In this crazy world, there’s an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they’re never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom.

Jesus says, “Cry over your pains, and you will discover that I’m right there in your tears, and you will be grateful for my presence in your weakness.” Ministry means to help people become grateful for life even with pain. That gratitude can send you into the world precisely to the places where people are in pain. The minister, the disciple of Jesus, goes where there is pain not because he is a masochist or she is a sadist, but because God is hidden in the pain.

“Blessed are the poor.” Jesus doesn’t say, “Blessed are those who care for the poor”; he says, “Blessed are the poor. Blessed are the mourning. Blessed are those who have pain. There I am.” To minister, you have to be where the pain is. Sometimes that pain is hidden in a person who from the outside might look painless or successful.

Compassion means to suffer with, to live with those who suffer. When Jesus saw the woman of Nain he realized, This is a widow who has lost her only son, and he was moved by compassion. He felt the pain of that woman in his guts. He felt her pain so deeply in his spirit that out of compassion he called the son to life so he could give that son back to his mother.

We are sent to wherever there is poverty, loneliness, and suffering to have the courage to be with people. Trust that by throwing yourself into that place of pain you will find the joy of Jesus. All ministries in history are built on that vision. A new world grows out of compassion.

Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate. It’s a great call. But don’t be fearful; don’t be afraid. Don’t say, “I can’t do that.”

When you are aware that you are the beloved, and when you have friends around you with whom you live in community, you can do anything. You’re not afraid anymore. You’re not afraid to knock on the door while somebody’s dying. You’re not afraid to open a discussion with a person who underneath all the glitter is much in need of ministry. You’re free.

I’ve experienced that constantly. When I was depressed or when I felt anxious, I knew my friends couldn’t solve it. Those who ministered to me were those who were not afraid to be with me. Precisely where I felt my poverty I discovered God’s blessing.

Just a few weeks ago a friend of mine died. He was a classmate, and they sent me the tape of his funeral service. The first reading in that service was a story about a little river. The little river said, “I can become a big river.” It worked hard, but there was a big rock. The river said, “I’m going to get around this rock.” The little river pushed and pushed, and since it had a lot of strength, it got itself around the rock.

Soon the river faced a big wall, and the river kept pushing this wall. Eventually, the river made a canyon and carved a way through. The growing river said, “I can do it. I can push it. I am not going to let down for anything.”

Then there was an enormous forest. The river said, “I’ll go ahead anyway and just force these trees down.” And the river did.

The river, now powerful, stood on the edge of an enormous desert with the sun beating down. The river said, “I’m going to go through this desert.” But the hot sand soon began to soak up the whole river. The river said, “Oh, no. I’m going to do it. I’m going to get myself through this desert.” But the river soon had drained into the sand until it was only a small mud pool.

Then the river heard a voice from above: “Just surrender. Let me lift you up. Let me take over.”

The river said, “Here I am.”

The sun then lifted up the river and made the river into a huge cloud. He carried the river right over the desert and let the cloud rain down and make the fields far away fruitful and rich.

There is a moment in our life when we stand before the desert and want to do it ourselves. But there is the voice that comes, “Let go. Surrender. I will make you fruitful. Yes, trust me. Give yourself to me.”

What counts in your life and mine is not successes but fruits. The fruits of your life you might not see yourself. The fruits of your life are born often in your pain and in your vulnerability and in your losses. The fruits of your life come only after the plow has carved through your land. God wants you to be fruitful.

The question is not, “How much can I still do in the years that are left to me?” The question is, “How can I prepare myself for total surrender so my life can be fruitful?”

Our little lives are small, human lives. But in the eyes of the One who calls us the beloved, we are great—greater than the years we have. We will bear fruits, fruits that you and I will not see on this earth but in which we can trust.

Solitude, community, ministry—these disciplines help us live a fruitful life. Remain in Jesus; he remains in you. You will bear many fruits, you will have great joy, and your joy will be complete.

— Henri Nouwen, now with the Lord, was a writer and speaker, and a member of Daybreak community in Toronto. LEADERSHIP, Spring 1995

lately

2011-11-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

these days lately have been busy and sweet. adam has been sleeping at the hospital after his shifts instead of coming home to nap in our noisy house with little people who desperately want to cuddle him awake. so far, he has been able to get enough sleep in the mornings to pretty much enjoy entire afternoons with us. i miss one-on-one conversations with him, but i'm so thankful that he is thus far relatively rested and staying connected with us. with evenings and mornings for me to completely focus on the kids, i feel like we have had some precious moments together. i praise the Lord for this wild season of caring, nurturing, protecting, teaching, instructing. it is hard, messy, and tedious at times, but it really is such a privilege.

this sweet one is weaned as of yesterday. i'm a little sad about it, but thankful too.

spending lots of time shelling pecans from our old cantankerous tree. the nuts are really good, but boy are those shells thick!

marit talking to herself in the doll's pack-n-play

pax is a wonderful pillow

we love sleepers around here

playing family soccer games with the goal my dad built for graham

adam is so victorious over his pre-school opponents

always watching...he has the uncanny ability to watch everything with those sharp eyes without moving his head much.

i think he looks a lot like marit so for fun here is a close up of her eyes at a similar age

trip to the dairy

2011-11-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

saturday was adam's day off and we were so thankful to have a full day together as a family as he finished his first of four weeks of night float. so far, God has been so gracious to us in this rotation and we are thankful for His faithful provision. it was a chilly day, but we took a trip to a local working dairy that is open to the public with lots of fun attractions for the kids. they charge admission in hopes of soon opening their own pasteurization plant so they can sell fresh and local milk, cheese, and ICE CREAM! i can hardly wait for that. in the evening we visited our church's lake property with some friends. we were outside in creation all day and i must say, the kids were completely enthralled. it was such a lovely day all in all.

neato horsie tire swings

everyone loved the corn pit

milking demonstration

cooold hayride

incredible jumping pillow fun

we all took turns going down the huge tunnel slide

petting someone's thanksgiving dinner

feeding the goats popcorn

marit's favorite part. and also, the pony's name was "princess" and was very soft and pettable.

fall festival

2011-10-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

our sweet church put on a wonderful fall festival/costume carnival this year. we are thankful that we had some costumes around the house to use as we are short on cash and sewing skills. marit chose from her assortment of ballerina/princess supplies to be some sort of hybrid of the two. graham wore a hand-me-down tiger coat thing and miles wore the dinosaur/dragon suit that graham wore for his first birthday. lucky for miles, it was about 30 degrees cooler today than it was two years ago for grahamers.

too much candy...

we ran into frodo...amazing costume on such a precious baby.

chillin' and he has his daddy's BIG feet!

with georgia and annie

group shot failure

tigers eat dragons apparently

for fun, here is graham with his neighborhood birthday buddies two years ago. i can't handle the cuteness...

lentil-walnut burgers

2011-10-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

*relatively unnecessary disclaimer:
have i mentioned i struggle with being a people-pleaser? idolizing the approval of others is something i am constantly repenting of and walking securely in the light given to our family by Jesus without feeling the need for any blessing but His is the goal. sometimes i wonder if i should just ditch the whole "social media" thing because it seems so easy to offend people or to take general statements way to personally, but i don't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater either. there are lots of useful and edifying ways to use it and so i walk forward and post a recipe that has "burger" in the title, but has no beef!

i am not promoting any particular diet (other than balanced and healthy) and we love our meat-eating and non-meat-eating friends alike and we ourselves enjoy a good beef burger every now and then. however, once upon a time i did study nutrition, and one cannot deny the health benefits of delicious legumes like lentils and nuts like walnuts (hooray for omegas!). i always seem to be looking for ways to use leftover lentils, so this is perfect. other things make this recipe delicious...greek yogurt, coriander from world market (thanks bethany!), cilantro (thanks for spotting me tara!). if you like to bake bread, homemade buns make it even more yummy. this time i made oatmeal multigrain bread (maybe i'll post that recipe some other time), but there are so many options with breads and grains. and i should note that the first time we made this the kids were apprehensive, but the second time they loved it. make some oven roasted potatoes or sweet potatoes and the meal is complete. ok, the recipe:

Lentil-Walnut Burgers:
3/4 cup toasted walnuts, cooled
1/3 cup plain dried breadcrumbs
3 garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon red-pepper flakes
Coarse salt and ground pepper
3/4 cup lentils, cooked, drained, and cooled
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 large egg

Yogurt-Cilantro Sauce:
3/4 cup plain low-fat yogurt
Coarse salt and ground pepper
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

1. In a food processor, combine walnuts, breadcrumbs, garlic, cumin, coriander, pepper flakes, 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper; process until finely ground. Add lentils and 1 tablespoon oil; pulse until coarsely chopped (some lentils should remain whole).
2. In a large bowl, whisk egg. Add lentil mixture; mix well. Divide into 4 equal-size parts; roll into balls, and flatten with the palm of your hand into 3/4-inch-thick patties.
3. Heat remaining 3 tablespoons oil in a large nonstick skillet. Add burgers; cook over medium-low heat until crisp and browned, turning gently with a thin-edged spatula, 8 to 10 minutes per side. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined plate to drain.

Per serving (without sauce): 460 calories; 28.9 grams fat; 18.7 grams protein; 35 grams carbohydrates; 13.6 grams fiber

Yogurt Cilantro Sauce
1. In a small bowl, whisk together yogurt, cilantro, and lemon; season with salt and pepper

source: pbs everyday foods

to my dad

2011-10-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

dear daddy,
thank you for your steady, faithful care of your family, even when we should be independent already! thank you for raising us with dignity and grace. thank you for your generosity and tenderness toward us and our children. thank you for all your wisdom on pretty much any major life decision. thank you for all the repair jobs you have done to save all of us sooooo much money. thank you for teaching us to be frugal and faithful. we love you and are so thankful for all SIXTY years of your life and pray the Lord will continue to use your life to bring Him glory. happy birthday!

cousin mike's wedding

2011-10-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

some of the family on my dad's side gathered yesterday for my cousin mike's wedding. it was a long day for the little people, but i'm so glad we went!
miles' party trick

kid table

my beautiful grandma and aunt kathy

some of us spent most of the ceremony outside...

grandma dancing with the groom

all the great-grands

cupcakes at the park

2011-10-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

we took some flying bug cupcakes (graham loves to chase and catch bugs) to the park to share with a few friends in celebration of our sweet boys.
sweet moms and sweet babes

a little baby romance

obsessed with balloons

graham with his best bud sam

not such a fan of his first cupcake

singing-love that shy smile

neato light-up swords

emma and ella

scrammer grahamer is 3

2011-10-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

our next october birthday is sweeeet scrammer grahamer who is 3 today. this boy is strong, athletic, tender, stubborn, talkative, crazy about marit and miles. sometimes i worry about overlooking this precious middle child of mine in all the chaos. i count it a grace that he is usually my earliest riser so i have him for his first(he usually eats a second with marit) breakfast and time to read a few books together snuggled up under a warm blanket. i love this time with this firstborn son of ours. he still naps about half the time, but he loves to play with people and marit or miles are usually willing playmates. he is always overhearing what marit is learning and i am always amazed at the verses, catechism, letters and things he knows. we are so thankful for this handsome son!
fresh

1

2

3

footage from whirlwind family rendezvous

2011-10-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

my family quickly gathered at tom and kelly's for me to get the kiddos from my parents and to see my sweet sister passing through town for the day. i don't need to emphasize how much i miss char char bar, but my goodness it was good to see her. a few sister outtakes

miss you bethany!

sweet four-yr olds

char's art skills are captivating

peek-a-boo with b-ma

come again soon beautiful sister!

and i should add that miles and i were able to see some sweet friends who recently moved to athens on sunday night and then to sleep at my old college roomie's house. it was so good to see old friends doing well, loving Jesus, striving to be content, serving others. only, i forgot to take any pictures of those dear folks...

on my mind

2011-10-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine.

from Jesus I My Cross have Taken by Henry Lyte and bill moore

staycation 2011

2011-10-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

adam had a vacation week last week and it was lovely. we did not travel or get any planned home projects accomplished save planting a few pansies, but we had lots of time together and we are thankful. my sister-in-law kelly visited for some dental appointments so i enjoyed lots of snuggles with my new niece part of the week. marit was quite enamored with her as well. she is precious.

adam was able to take the kids on several adventures to museums and interesting things outside and they would tumble back into the house afterward filled with tales of their trips.
i tagged along for this adventure of searching for crawdads

at the end of the week, my parents invited marit and graham to go on their church retreat for the weekend, so adam and i experienced the life of those with one child again. it was strange and i think miles was a little bored without the constant entertainment of the sibs, but it was a very restful weekend for us and made me so thankful for my regular life as i missed them and their chatter and noise and questions and even messes like crazy. thanks mom and dad for spending such quality time with our little people!

happy birthday butternut

2011-10-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

miles turned 1 on saturday! we will have cupcakes in a few days when we celebrate graham too (they may have combined birthday celebrations forever). this little guy is such a blessing to us and he is getting to be VERY busy!

miles aka butternut squash* has: a big sense of humor, an enormous appetite for table food, a very persistent and determined nature to do things like climb entire flights of stairs, speed crawl to the bathroom when no one is looking so he can splash in the toilet (yyyyuuuuck!!!...new rules in place to keep bathroom door closed at all times), 6 teeth, a serious cuddle need, the adoration of his siblings who keep him entertained, the ability to speed crawl, pull up and cruise, and just a few words

miles does not have: any desire to wean despite his large intake of table food and such, hair, a lack of affection

*for some reason i started calling him "fuddy buddy" which evolved to "fudder budder" which evolved into "butternut" and we call him that about half the time. we have a lot of nicknames in our house, thought marit recently told me she just wanted to keep it at "snuggle bug" for her...one is enough i suppose...

here is the birthday boy exploring the world of eating grass

his favorite toys are this broom and this chair

we are so thankful for this precious son and we praise God for the gift that he is

a little parenting wisdom and encouragement

2011-10-11T12:49:00.001-07:00

busting moves

2011-10-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

at a recent kids concert. i love how much these little peeps enjoy dancing!

new things

2011-10-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

we are all creatures of habit to some extent i suppose, but change can be good sometimes. i have become an "amazon-mom," which basically gives you amazon prime benefits for free if you have a baby, which means you can get free 2-day shipping and discounted rates on DIAPERS. i've been using the target generic diapers for a long time, but let's be honest, it is just better for our budget if i don't go to target very often. and plus, loading up all the kiddos for that 20 minute drive is sort of a pain AND pampers are actually 2 cents cheaper per diaper and they are delivered to my door each month. neato. brave new world? maybe. i'm sure i'm one of the last to realize that you can also order all kinds of non-perishable groceries from amazon. i am mostly excited about this amazing multi-grain flour and bob's red mill products, but if i can get organized, i may start ordering more groceries this way. everyone in nyc does it, so it must be cool. i just have to figure out the best way to do bulk shopping without spending too much in any one month...

in other news, we joined a community center/gym in our city recently and it has broadened my exercising options. except for a short stint of water-aerobics when i was pregnant with marit, i have depended mostly on running for exercise for the last 16 years. i love to run and hope it can always be my primary workout, but that triple stroller just gets heavier and heavier and i feel like i have fallen into a rut of sorts, especially on adam's busy months when even venturing out for a 30 minute run alone is just not possible. so, with a few friends, i have been exploring spinning once a week and bodyflow (a yoga/pilates class). it has been a nice change of pace and while i do this for an hour, the kids are having a blast playing on the playground or coloring or dressing up or doing puzzles. and then sometimes we go swimming together afterwards. i take spinning with a sweet friend who has suffered much in her life and she reminds me of the spiritual discipline of enduring. body flow is slowly strengthening my core as pregnancies have been hard on my back and tummy muscles. just stretching, balancing, resistance-work for an hr a week makes me feel so much looser overall. change is fun!

no bake energy bites

2011-10-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

i'm sure this recipe has made the rounds on the blogosphere and pinterest, but i ran across it on my friend abby's blog and well, i had them for lunch yesterday. yum! our day was a bit strange and started with an er visit for graham as he awoke inconsolable and with severe neck pain. he would not even let us touch it. of course, i feared meningitis or something awful, but praise God it was just acute torticollis and with a dose of valium, he was able to relax the muscle and he is fine (though he was rather goofy on the drugs...should have gotten video). anyway, these are tasty and healthy.

No Bake Energy Bites
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup peanut butter (or other nut butter)
1/3 cup honey
1 cup coconut flakes
1/2 cup ground flaxseed
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips
1 tsp vanilla
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and chill in the refrigerator for 30 minutes. Once chilled, roll in to bite size balls. Store in an air tight container in the fridge for up to one week. {Just so you know they’ll be long before a week is out!}

recipe source:: Smashed peas and carrots

through marit's eyes

2011-10-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

i let marit wander around the house with the camera yesterday. though many of her shots were blurry, i like the unique perspective she got on things. child-like perspective is precious to me. she was so excited to tell me about each picture.

through the front window

her beloved chicken-feather

on "princessesses"

2011-10-06T17:50:00.001-07:00

my friend nicole and i took our sweet girls to see disney princess live show this evening and it started out rather scary with the evil queen in snow white. she was nervous about what the beast in beauty and the beast would be like. marit and i had this conversation:

me: you know how sometimes graham dresses like a scary tiger? but is he really a tiger or just pretending?
marit: just pretending!
me: that's what the actors and actresses are doing...just pretending so we can enjoy the story
marit: i'm not scared of the beast! he's just pretend!
*look of concern*
but the princessesses (that's really how she says it) are real, right?

outside in october

2011-10-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

we are so thankful for this new month that brings cooler weather and more husband/daddy around, festivals in our city, visits from family, and FOUR birthdays in my family!

september felt dark to me with inner-turmoil and struggle, heat, and just plain tiredness. i'm thankful for the Lord's sustaining grace and care in a sort of vaguely heavy season and for reminders to find my joy and hope in Christ. season changes are such sweet reminder of God's faithfulness as He keeps the world spinning.

miles loves slides...climbing up, and sliding down on his tummy

i found a used infant bike seat and the kids and i borrowed adam's bike and we went on a bike ride. miles cried the whole time and i'm not sure if it was because i made him wear marit's outgrown pink helmet or because he could see, but not touch me. i also don't know if it is worth all the loading, helmeting, buckling, situating for a 30 minute bike ride.

tummy!

one of our city's prettiest spots:)

pax loves having his own seat in the minivan

contemplating this

2011-09-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

this study has been very timely for me. this week has been on idolatry and this chart has been on my mind as i spend time repenting and asking Jesus to replace idols in my heart with Himself. i will go ahead and tell you that i struggle most with #2, but there are a variety of things i try to place my hope in.

"Whenever you see your heart in the grip of some kind of disobedience or misery, some temptation, anxiety, anger, etc., always ask, (1) How are these effects being caused by an inordinate hope for someone or something to give me what only Jesus can really give me? and (2) How does Christ give me so much more fully and graciously and suitably the very things I am looking for elsewhere? Next, rejoice and consider what he has done and what he has given you." keller

Trailer for Gospel in Life from Redeemer City to City on Vimeo.

no worries

2011-09-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

but we are finishing up our first cold of the season. we have not been seeing many folks so as not to share the snot. i am introverted, but can tell i still need to talk to adults when i have been hibernating like this. it can really make you crazy. for real. and also, all the wakeful children at night makes me remember newborn days...i have renewed sympathy for my friends and family with new ones! miles has been uncharacteristically fussy and needs to be touching me at all times unless he is mercifully sleeping in his crib. i tried to cook dinner with him in the ergo last night and it was quite problematic as he kept grabbing things. and yes, i tried him on my back...would.not.have it.

it helps us to get out of the house. so we went on a picnic the other day

and today we gathered nature after our run and arranged it in vases. i love to see the kids get excited about nature and all the details to be found in a simple fallen leaf or a bit of queen anne's lace.

and on a random note, we are doing keller's Gospel in Life in Bible study, which i missed today. however, i was reading it this morning while graham laid his head in my lap and it is SOOOO good...repentance, idolatry (surprising from keller, yes?), grace, Gospel. i need this...working it in so that i actually believe...

32

2011-09-16T17:11:00.001-07:00

he's an old man, my husband is. i am so thankful for him and the husband and father he is to us and the doctor he is to so many others. adam is an instrument of grace to me in countless ways. love you babe! we squeezed some celebrating in during this night float week with breakfast and coffee together yesterday morning before his eyelids started shutting on me (thanks laurie for babysitting), early dinner with his parents and brother's fam yesterday evening, and his choice of pizza and wacky cake for dinner tonight. then we sent him off for his last night shift for now...whew! i forgot the camera last night, but it was so good to see jon and motsy and their three precious kids and jon turned 30 yesterday. thanks for dinner dave and carol!

dinner tonight

replacements for his 2yr old running shoes (thanks for the contributions family!) and the bonhoffer biography.

i also gave him this documentary since indelible grace is his favorite band. it was so encouraging. i'll post the trailer at the end of this post.
miles gave the best gift...turned 11 months old yesterday and today started saying "dada"... soooo sweet. here he is playing tackle with marit

Indelible Grace Documentary Trailer: Roots And Wings from Kevin Twit on Vimeo.

a good read

2011-09-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

one of my friends posted this wonderful article on blindspots in homeschooling on good ol' facebook today and i want it here so i can go back and read it again and probably repeatedly. it is written by a father looking back on the experience of his family as homeschoolers, but i think it would be helpful for any Christian parent. i feel like we are always teetering on the edge of legalism and works righteousness...doing good things like homeschooling (though we have barely started this, we are thinking a lot about it), parenting our children, ministry, just life with hearts of thanksgiving and worship because of the grace with which we have been lavished in the Gospel and because of our idol-factory hearts, we can quickly turn judgmental and self-righteous...doing the same things, but for our own joyless glory instead of in humble worship. this is our struggle and i know it is the human condition...to twist, steal glory, try to render ourselves worthy of His love...it. does. not. work. another reason i appreciate the wisdom in this article is that it puts into words the fears i have about homeschooling and raising kids based on my own experience as a homeschooled child. i am not referring to my parents as they were careful and humble. that's all. just read it if you like. it is long and took me all day to read.
"It is critical for our sake, let alone for our children, that we enjoy a life-giving faith in Christ with no religious trappings added to it."

spinach and black bean lasagna...

2011-09-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

i know i'm on a fairly prolific blogging kick, but i am trying to productively use my alone nights with adam working to put some things on here that a)may be useful to others and b)i want to be able to quickly find later or remember. don't worry, i will neglect it for weeks at a time soon i'm sure. so i'm trying to post some recipes that we use frequently. this one is not nearly as pretty in this picture as it is in my tummy, but it is one of our absolute favorites. my sweet friend katie made this for us after miles was born and we have adopted it as a family favorite. everyone cheerfully eats it and it is chock-full of spinach and black beans, which are two of the healthiest foods for you, in my humble nutrition-conscious opinion. it is a lighter spin on lasagna and lends itself well to substitutions based on what you have on hand...for example, you can leave the cilantro out, use whatever cheese you have on hand, or use lentils or pintos with or instead of black beans.

Spinach and Black Bean Lasagna by the Dinner Doctor (Anne Byrn)
2 cans (15oz) black beans, drained
1 jar (26oz) tomato based pasta sauce
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 container (15 oz) ricotta cheese
1 package (10 oz) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well drained)-i usually just defrost in microwave (or cook down some fresh as i often do)
1 or 2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup chopped cilantro (optional, but i think it adds a lot!)
9 no-boil lasagna noodles
1 package (8oz/2cups) preshredded Monterey Jack cheese w/ jalapeno peppers (i often use mexican or mozzarella)

1. place a rack in the center of the oven and preheat the oven to 375.
2. place the beans in a medium size bowl and mash them with a potato masher until smooth. stir in the pasta sauce and cumin and set aside. place the ricotta, spinach, eggs, and cilantro in another bowl and stir until just combined.
3. spoon 1/3 of the bean mixture evenly over the bottom of a 13x9 (3qrt) glass or ceramic baking dish. arrange 3 of the noodles side by side the long way on top of the bean mixture. spoon 1/2 of the spinach mixture on top of the noodles and spread it out evenly. scatter 1 cup of the cheese evenly over the spinach mixture. spread remaining spinach mixture over the cheese, then arrange 3 of the lasagna noodles side by side the long way on top. spread 1/2 of the remaining bean mixture on top of the noodles. arrange the remaining 3 lasagna noodles side by side the long way on top of the bean mixture, then top of the remaining bean mixture. cover the baking dish with aluminum foil.
4. bake until bubbling, 40-45 minutes. remove the baking dish from the oven and carefully remove the foil and set it aside. scatter the remaining 1 cup of cheese evenly over the lasagna and cover the dish again with the foil. let the lasagna rest until the cheese melts, 10 minutes, then serve.

a covert in thy wounds

2011-09-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

been listening to and singing this song over and over in the last couple days as i'm in one of those coming to the end of myself waves...i love the chorus...oh Blessed Jesus, may we find a covert in thy wounds...

A Prayer For The Broken Hearted
Words by Chelsey Scott (based on a prayer from “The Valley Of Vision”) Music by Chelsey Scott © 2006
Petit Bateau Music (ASCAP)

1. No day in my life has past,
That hasn't proved me guilty
Prayers are uttered too fast
From a heart that’s cold and empty.

Oh Blessed Jesus,
May we find a covert in thy wounds
Though our sins, they rise to meet us,
How they fall next to the merits of you
2. Oh, all in me calls for this
It calls for my rejection
This heavy unrighteousness,
Oh is there no protection?

My best services are rags, my best deeds are filthy.

Oh Blessed Jesus,
May we find a covert in thy wounds
Though our sins, they rise to meet us,
How they fall next to the merits of you
3. Grant me hear thy shoring voice,
That in thy wounds is pardon
Grant me see thy willing choice
To make my hard heart softened

Keep the broken-hearted sure,
Clinging to thy cross, our cure.

Oh Blessed Jesus,
May we find a covert in thy wounds
Though our sins, they rise to meet us,
How they fall next to the merits of you

you can hear the whole encouraging album here

mediterranean meatloaf

2011-09-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

can you tell my meatloaf-loving husband cut this enormous portion?

this is adam's favorite dish. i don't cook tons of meat mostly because i'm not all that great at it, but this is adam's favorite. one year i made it for his birthday and invited a bunch of his medschool buddies...it was the weirdest party-fare...pulling something like 5 or 6 meatloaves out of the oven.

side note: adam is such a pleasure to cook for because he has about 100 "favorites" of things i cook. despite the fact that i am very much a simpleton cook, he is always so thankful and verbally affirming. i love that about him.

i made it today because ground turkey was on sale, adam is on un-fun night shift on his birthday week, and he is sick to boot (achy and even had a fever yesterday). my mom got it from the paper i think when i was a kid and it was always one of our "company meals" and now it is one of our staples. i also like it because i can assemble it while at least one or two of my kids are napping and just stick in the oven closer to dinner time.

here is the recipe:
Mediterranean meatloaf
1 lb ground beef or turkey (i prefer turkey and some with a little
fat-the 99% lean stuff won't work well as it is too crumbly)
1 egg
1 Tbl sundried tomatoes chopped
1 cup italian bread crumbs (i often just crumble a couple slices of
whatever bread i have and put some italian seasoning in )
2/3 cup feta (or i think it is even better with goat cheese) cheese crumbled
1 cup cooked rice or couscous (works really well with rice pilaf or yellow rice...any of the near east products are great)

sauce
1 cup plain yogurt
1/2tsp honey
1/2 tsp cumin
1 pinch of mint

method:
preheat oven to 350
mix all ingredients except rice or couscous
put half of mixture in a loaf pan
put rice or couscous on top of first layer
put 2nd half of meat mixture on very top
cook 45 minutes or until browned through (a glass loaf pan is helpful
for knowing when it's cooked all the way through)
serve with sauce

add a veggie of your choice and eat the left-over rice, potatoes or some multigrain bread!

puppets

2011-09-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

my sister left a gazillion paper lunch bags at my house after her wedding (they were used at the reception for carrying peaches home as favors) so i've been trying to put them to good use. they make great "nature collectors" for the various things the kids discover outside, but today we made kitty cat puppets. i found this site and we will probably make these often as it is a great way to work on an assortment of fine motor skills for my little preschoolers as well with gluing, coloring, cutting and then pretending! of course it requires lots of supervision (esp for graham), but they have to practice these things to learn and it was a fun project to do together...

saturday snuggles

2011-09-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

we all need them

the mama who needs to wash her hair and the teething baby

the home-from-work daddy, the chatty sister, lazy dog, and sleepy brother

sibling love

while watching a squirrel raid our bird-feeder

just a few things to remember...

2011-09-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

in an ice-breaker game at Bible study this week, i had to answer the question: what is your proudest accomplishment? i had to rephrase the question because that p word makes me nervous...it is dangerous right? of course i immediately thought about my family and my children...they are significant because they have souls...or i guess i could have said...i can run x number of miles in x number of minutes or i can wear *some* of my pre-pregnancy clothes or i have survived a stroke or something else sort of lame. i rephrased the question and answered that i am thankful for my children, though they are not my "accomplishment" and God uses them to humble me on a regular basis as well.

today, though,i was talking with marit about pride. she is big into asking what things mean lately. i was trying to explain to her the difference between sinful selfish pride and what someone means when they say "i'm proud of you." we settled on defining the not-sinful pride as something like rejoicing when someone is doing well. i told marit when she gave graham one of his favorite animals to comfort him that i was thankful for her kindness and that God must be working in her heart. she replied: "i feel God working in my heart! it hurts a little bit." little people are so literal. i love it. anyway...in the i'm praising God for people in my life doing well vein, i wanted to remember a few moments:
marit read her first words today...they were just in a bob book and it was just mat, sat, sam...BUT she did it and she was so excited! during rest-time, i found her reviewing her letters. i love to see a little spark to learn...it's beautiful.

and she learned this week to pump herself on the swing...hooray

butternut finally learned to crawl like a real baby...it's cute. even pax finds it amusing

i got a love note today (crayons were left out i guess) because adam ate toast on my bread. never mind the fact that it was only because we were out of milk so he could not have his cereal ritual. he was thankful and encouraging anyway. i mean, he took the time to write me even though he leaves for work at 6 am. thanks babe.

and, well, graham keeps us all laughing...he has been extra cuddly lately too and i am thankful for that because he is SO big, he soon won't fit in my lap. here he is with the hair of one of our now bald babies...

oh my, i am so thankful for the four people that live with me in this house...these dear ones...praying for God's grace to love them all well and faithfully.

a praying life

2011-09-07T03:43:00.000-07:00

i have been wanting to read something on prayer for a while as this is an area of my life that i want to do well and in which there is always room for improvement. my sister-in-law recommended this one so i borrowed it from my dad and found it to be such an encouragement. it is an honestly written book with rich insights and practical ideas (like making 3x5 cards for all the people you pray for and adding verses and requests over time) all woven with stories about miller's family--his six kids and especially his autistic daughter. it was a refreshing read and one i will come back to. i was particularly convicted by the sections on cynicism...not realizing how much of our culture i allow to seep into my thinking...

"Cynicism begins, oddly enough, with too much of the wrong kind of faith, with naive optimism or foolish confidence. At first glance, genuine faith and naive optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope. But the similarity is only surface deep. Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me. Naive optimism is groundless. It is childlike trust without the loving Father...Optimism rooted in the goodness of people collapses when it confronts the dark side of life...Our personal struggles with cynicism and defeated weariness are reinforced by an increasing tendency toward perfectionism in American culture. Believing you have to have the perfect relationship, the perfect children, or a perfect body sets you up for a critical spirit, the breeding ground for cynicism. In the absence of perfection, we resort to spin--trying to make ourselves look good, unwittingly dividing ourselves into a public and private self. We cease to be real and become the subject of cynicism...Cynicism is the air we breathe, and it is suffocating our hearts. Unless we become disciples of Jesus, this present evil age will first deaden and then destroy our prayer lives, not to mention our souls. Our only hope is to follow Jesus as he leads us out of cynicism...Instead of naive optimism, Jesus calls us to be wary, yet confident in our heavenly Father. We are to combine a robust trust in the Good Shepherd with a vigilance about the presence of evil in our own hearts and in the hearts of others. The feel of a praying life is cautious optimism---caution because of the Fall, optimism because of redemption. Cautious optimism allows Jesus to boldly send his disciples into an evil world."

this is good music

2011-09-06T04:08:00.000-07:00

my brother sent me this link a while back and i finally downloaded it yesterday. it is so good and there are several tracks that make me want to cry (not altogether unusual, but still). his music is so original and poetic and filled with truth. enjoy.

"Farther Along" - Josh Garrels from Josh Garrels on Vimeo.

Love & War & The Sea In Between by Josh Garrels

sometimes...

2011-09-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

you just have to play in the rain!

especially when you've been having a sort of hum-drum kind of day

and just maybe, sweet neighbors will join in

...and definitely a bath night....

sweet saturday

2011-09-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

blocks are fun for everyone. the challenge these days is to be patient with littlest brother who wants to knock down everything the big kids build...

i mean he is intimidating, right? he has much to learn in the area of kind and gracious sibling play.

three cheers for adam getting off early today! (and bonus, he gets tomorrow off) he is in the icu, putting in 13hr shifts most days. of course, my days are basically the same, but i struggle to know what to do with our time from nap to bed when daddy usually brings a welcome diversion, or at least a new voice for the kids to hear. anyway, we enjoyed our evening tonight and took a trip to see adam's parents for grandpa's birthday. a trip to feed the ducks is always a pleasure for all. especially since we get to ride in this

greediest ducks and geese you have ever seen

happy birthday grandpa!

and the winners of my totally lame contest

2011-09-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

everyone! ok, apparrently my contest was ridiculous easy. and also, i am clueless about the appropriate way to do them. i'm just going to pretend that you all know my kids so well that you could recognize them perfectly at any age. nicole and delane, i'll make you some fresh bread...steph and kelly, hang tight while i think of something i can mail you.

so here they are...three wigglers in the tub (miles would not hold still at all so he is blurry)

and for fun...marit and graham 2 years ago

on "reformed"

2011-09-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

“And we need to rediscover Augustine’s peculiar slant—a very biblical slant—on grace as the free gift of sovereign joy in God that frees us from the bondage of sin. We need to rethink our Reformed doctrine of salvation so that every limb and every branch in the tree is coursing with the sap of Augustinian delight. We need to make plain that total depravity is not just badness, but blindness to beauty and deadness to joy; and unconditional election means that the completeness of our joy in Jesus was planned for us before we ever existed; and that limited atonement is the assurance that indestructible joy in God is infallibly secured for us by the blood of the covenant; and irresistible grace is the commitment and power of God’s love to make sure we don’t hold on to suicidal pleasures, and to set us free by the sovereign power of superior delights; and that the perseverance of the saints is the almighty work of God to keep us, through all affliction and suffering, for an inheritance of pleasures at God’s right hand forever…” john piper

thanks char for sharing this with me

10-11 months

2011-08-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

little butternut is 10.5 months...he is hilarious and so so sweet. lately, however, he is quite the reminder that patience is not a natural human quality. he gets especially frustrated when dinner is over...the boy can EAT. at his last weight check he was just over 20lb in the 50th %, 75th% for height, and 90th for head circumference. he eats tons of solid food (his favorites being homemade bread and whole milk yogurt), and still nurses 3 x a day. he can only seem to concentrate on nursing if we are in a dark room alone because apparently he has things to do. he is very busy making messes, army crawling and pulling up. i think he may skip the normal crawling as he seems to prefer the uber-inefficient method he has worked out of dragging his body across the floor propelled only by the right foot. marit may be our only child to actually crawl and she was the one in the brace! anyway, miles is well-loved by us all and we are so thankful for this wiggly, smiley, cuddly bundle.
and it is time for baby gates!

lamenting the gate

who are these babies?

2011-08-27T16:31:00.000-07:00

i thought about having a contest to see if people can correctly identify these children at the same age in the bath. miles took his first tub bath this week and it prompted me to look in the archives at the others at the same age. it just seems so clear to me, but then i am mama. look at them, if you can correctly id them and a winner emerges, maybe i'll make you some fresh bread or something. if everyone gets it correct, you may have to settle for a hug next time i see you...seriously, could my babes be any balder?

A)

B)

C)

my everyday hero

2011-08-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

adam spent the better part of yesterday under our house sealing up 110 year old gaps between joists, wall, floor...hopefully to render our house more "rodent proof" and maybe a little more efficient. and a little update on the rat problem, the score is now: adam 2 and rats 0. i am thankful for my husband/very own mighty hunter...

i hate goodbyes

2011-08-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

we were able to spend a little time this weekend with some dear friends on the way from language school to the mission field. brooke and i have been pregnant at the same time for all three of our pregnancies. she has been such an encouragement to me over the years...a truly precious friendship. it was sweet for the kids to play together a bit and to remember the faces of the ones we pray for so frequently. we miss them terribly, but are thankful for skype, blogs, facebook, vonage that help to keep us all connected. and we know the Lord will use these dear people to further His kingdom in the mountains of peru as they work with peruvian healthcare professionals and students. i'm thinking (if not sooner), our 10th anniversary should be a visit to peru?

miles and caleb are the farthest apart (3 months) of our pairs

beautiful eliza looks like her mommy

anna grace and eliza cooking some costa rican fare for marit and graham

sweet friends

niece,nephew, niece

2011-08-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

got to enjoy tom and kelly's kids yesterday and meet the newest one! goodness, you forget how small they are when they are new. i don't have the baby bug yet or anything, but my my how precious is this bundle. beautiful gift you are sweet girl! and just so you know, tko, i'm praying for you to get a job come fall in the southeast. i can't handle any more of my family moving far away. lots of love!

the everyday

2011-08-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

we are almost done with night float...hip hip hooray! it has not been nearly as bad as it could have been, but we are glad to see it go. God has been so gracious to allow adam to get a little sleep many nights so we have actually seen him a good bit during the daytime. poor marit has been dealing with her first case of swimmer's ear. adam's schedule has enabled him to take the older kids swimming for a bit before dinner most days the last couple weeks. pax gets swimmer's ear all the time and, in case you wondered, treatment is pretty much the same for canine and human cases. and both dog and child strongly dislike the eardrops part. anyway, here are a few photos for us to remember these normal end-of-summer days by...

lots and lots of puzzles (one of graham's favorite, favorite activities)

this poor kid is having a hard time with his fourth tooth...been super cranky and clingy lately and i can see that tooth just about to erupt...

adam let marit pick out some flowers when they got her prescriptions...pink gerbers...is it any wonder she picked these? pink daisies to marit are the very definition of beauty.

only at the bidding of a precious daughter will a man so carefully color a picture of hello kitty

most of our "preschool" consists of lots and lots of reading, coloring, letters and such. here marit is telling graham what she remembers of beauty and the beast. i love this stage when their little brain memorizes things so easily and is so ready to repeat.

our "percussion section" during family worship (we are growing into a more consistent flow with fw)

we start many mornings before it is sweltering with a run at a nearby nature area and we observe all manner of creatures-great blue heron

alligator

marit is learning to set the table...these are her favorite placemats (again, is it a wonder?) from great grandma

graham loves to "walk" pax

these are sweet days for sure. of course the camera was not ready to catch the many, many chaotic moments when everyone is falling apart (including me) as that is part of "normal" life around here too. sanctifying work this mothering is. i am not patient nor am i always cheerful and thankful, but God is all the time working His Gospel into my heart more and more and often by the challenges i face as a weak, weak, weak mama! can i just confess my absolute inadequacy and His absolutely sufficient grace?

tomorrow miles and i are going on a road trip to hang with my sweet niece and nephew while my brother, sis-in-law, and 1 week old baby girl head to the funeral of kelly's sweet, sweet grandmother.

in which ellen rambles

2011-08-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

we've been plowing through nightfloat over here. last week i read jane eyre for the first time since high school. it was such pleasant company...the first piece of fiction i have read in a loooong time and a very nice departure from the parenting books...i need to use that part of my brain more often. so much to learn from beautifully written fiction *sigh* so wonderful...i've also been making a lot of bread sans breadmaker to cope with night float...trying out new things.

adam has been reading this one on charlotte mason style of learning as we think about homeschooling and do preschool around here this year (more on that later maybe sometime). i plan on reading it too when i finish a praying life-another sweet encouragement for my weary heart. we have been reevaluating some of our parenting methods in light of recent reading, scripture, and how our Father loves and cares for us sacrificially. how he calls us to holiness and obedience by his discipline, yes, but even moreso by his love as seen in the Gospel. i was helping the kids change their sheets the other day and i inadvertently knocked the curtain down (marit's bed is against a window). marit often knocks this curtain down and i usually get a bit frustrated with her for it so when it fell this time, she said "oh, mom!" disapprovingly...i brushed it off as an accident and had this thought: "i am far more gracious with myself than i am with my children." i've been thinking about that especially as miles is learning what "no" means as he is wildly mobile (in the inch-worm sort of way) and as graham is sometimes dropping his nap altogether which can result in a very weary and on-edge toddler by the end of the day. we have been thinking about how to come alongside our children and help them deal with their sin, to pity them as God does us and calling to repentance versus taking their struggles with self-control or cheerfulness personally and viewing them as people in need of subduing and conquering. it is a delicate balance, but one we want to try to strike...it frightens me to see the emotional wounds i am capable of inflicting with my frustration or impatience, to watch chins tremble and then harden in embitterment...so so counterproductive.

i have also been thinking a lot about identity...what it means to "boast only in Christ." go listen to this song. it has been my favorite for a while. i want to add things to who i am to make me more valuable or interesting or categorized, but Jesus has already given me value. i want to know things or do things because i am afraid of what might happen if i don't, but "perfect Love casts out fear." seriously, have you considered all the things we do or don't do with fear as a motivation? that brings me to my next topic...we are still praying about what next year holds for us. we are praying about one particular option that i cannot put here yet that is a little crazy, but we know our Father will not lead us astray.

night float stinks, but sometimes adam sleeps a little at the hospital so we get to enjoy his company a bit during the day...a rare treat! here are a few photos.
we visited the swamp yesterday

matching is rare for these fellas because miles usually wears graham's hand-me-downs, but the clearance rack provided this outfit:) aren't they so handsome?!

graham's outfit of choice as he helps me make dinner

oh old house

2011-08-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

we are thankful for this house that shelters us and we love that it's old, but its age and location (in the city) mean we must occasionally fight vermin. yuck. many ancient pipes were never removed when plumbing was updated in the last few decades so there are literally highways for rodents under our streets. earlier this summer we saw a rat on our bird-feeder, but that was outside. the other day i was peacefully reading jane Eyre on the couch and kept hearing scratching in the wall. i told adam, he shined the flashlight into our pocket door opening and an ugly, long, naked tail and fuzzy behind was visible. we called our neighbor to bring his bee bee gun and they each took a turn...and missed that creepy thing (side-note: what is it about bee bee guns that immediately turns grown men into middle schoolers? they enjoyed this failed hunt a little too much).

now we have traps set and our exterminator coming in a couple days, but i keep hearing things. let's just say night float + roaming awful vile rat(s) = very uneasy wife.

i have two vivid memories of my fairly courageous brothers calling my parents as each has lived in old houses at times with fearful voices. i remember abe single-handedly took on his opponent and ended its life with a golf club. tom slept alone in his house on the top bunk with a bat maybe awaiting "ratsputins" evil appearance.

i'm not that brave.

more wedding

2011-08-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

i realize i have gotten a lot of blogging mileage out of char's wedding, but it was such an important event...so many beautiful people around, lots of family, lots of creativity, lots of sweetness in general. as life around here has been resuming "normalcy" (whatever that is!), i remembered i didn't really post many of my photos and i want them here to remember, but this is the last one probably. the professional ones were amazing and you can view them here and here. it turned out to be great that i had a dress with pockets because i carried around miles' pacifier, my camera, and my phone the whole day.
the rehearsal dinner was in this old-timey tavern at the park. it was a time filled with delicious food (rooster's beak anyone?!) and lots of reflection on char and jeremiah's lives to date. to close the evening, jeremiah's dad led the group in prayer and it was beautiful. i absolutely loved his family and it made me so happy to watch charlotte join such a welcoming, humble, Jesus-loving family...in-laws are a blessing.

the flower girls and the ring-bearer (Jeremiah's nephew), all four-year olds.

char was wearing our grandma's dress from her 20s at the rehearsal here with all the bridesmaids dresses. she gave us paint swatches and let us find our own dresses. a running theme of the wedding: nothing matches exactly, but together it works and makes one beautiful whole...kind of reflective of charlotte's style.

on saturday morning, bethany and kelly and i went to shop for charlotte's bouquet. she tried to grow flowers for bouquets, but they weren't doing well so we ended up finding her some flowers that morning and the bridesmaids carried marigolds. we also enjoyed coffee samples at fresh market

first moments in her dress!

just before processing

marit and aida could hardly keep their eyes off of charlotte and kept breathlessly telling her how beautiful she was. so. cute. the flower girls did an excellent job and ended up processing with me and sitting with grandparents. my amazing neighbor nicole made their dresses and headbands and we were able to buy them in support of their adoption fund. that made us happy!

our talented artist aunt kathy made her incredible earrings as a wedding gift

immediate family of the bride

some of my dad's fam

graham and benjamin testing out the get-away car (fire truck)

there was a little miscommunication about the fire-truck...c and j got ready to leave, all the guests lighted sparklers, they mounted the truck and then realized the driver had left and not yet returned.

they waited around for about 20 additional minutes until the driver came and left joyfully...a little anticlimactic, but by that point (that is, post actual wedding), no one seemed to care.

most of these people (and some of my mom's family too) came to lunch at our house the next day before everyone left town and we ate leftovers from the week. such fun!

little boy's first

2011-07-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

before buzzcut:

his hair grows fast, unevenly, and is always a little sweaty so daddy cut it all off today.

he looks so grown up to me which makes me a little sentimental. i ask him to stay my little boy and he says he has to grow into a "tall, tall, tall daddy!"

i like it because i can see more of that sweet kissable face and those dreamy chocolatey eyes!

harvest and hips

2011-07-26T17:24:00.001-07:00

we harvested our first cantaloupe! it was yummy and i'm thankful it is a favorite of the kiddos. besides the few tomatoes graham and i ate right off the vine, this is our first yield from the somewhat neglected garden. as it turns out, you have to water your tomatoes. as usual, time is just so short and i am generally distracted.

in other news, marit had her annual orthopedics appointment to check her hips. as usual, our patient doc said "it doesn't look normal, but it looks really good." that means no surgery or brace wearing for the near future and we will just continue to watch them as she grows. we are thankful, thankful, thankful.

birthday footage

2011-07-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

goals for celebrating marit's birthday this year: love on her and celebrate her precious life, while keeping it simple in the wake of a busy wedding week.

results: individual special time with daddy for birthday breakfast and mommy after dinner.
we went to our favorite book store and picked a few titles to add to our library and then stopped to share a big cookie and an izzie at sundrees

the next day we shared a picnic dinner at a local park with water and painting (two of her favorites) with two close families and adam's parents. i let her decorate her own cupcakes.

miles got lots of love too

paint is messy, but it's worth it sometimes

all in all she had a blast. she keeps saying things like "i'm four you know, so i can buckle my seat all by myself" and actually she can. little miss independence is growing up and i'm finding i need to slow down and get out of the way and let her do that at times.

brotherly frosting-face kisses

grandparents:)

just for fun is a muscle shot...one day these guys will come in handy:)

on sisters

2011-07-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

all these wedding festivities and preparations have caused me to reflect a lot on sisters, and specifically my sister charlotte. these thoughts are to in no way diminish the beautiful and precious relationships i have with women who are not related to me. rather, it is to notice grace and honor the gift of my dear sister-friend. i was so thankful that the weeks leading up to the wedding were so busy and joyful that i did not take too much time to think about the reality that char is leaving and cleaving in a major way and going with her man to the midwest...hours away from here (though i did get a little weepy at times...during my rehearsal dinner toast for example). she moved here originally to be near us when graham was born...entirely unselfishly and God in His goodness blessed that unselfish decision with the gift of a husband. all along i hoped to get her married to a man from here so that we could live in the same city forever (or at least for a while), but then she went and fell in love with an army man! alas, my plan was thwarted...and i'm glad because jeremiah is just right for my sister. my dad dug up some old pictures for char's reception and i will say that we have both improved in the fashion department, even if char is still cooler (and probably always will be) and i'm ok with that. all this sister talk has also caused us to think about how we are not finished having children and maybe biologically or by adoption the Lord will gift Marit with a sister one day. and maybe she will have the privilege of sharing life with her and the honor of standing by her at important moments...like wedding days. i cannot even really describe all the emotion and joy that it is to share that with such a dear one.

charlotte is cuddly and cheesy and thoughtful and i love that about her.

she has always been about the accessories. i need to get an iphone i guess so i can continue to get her constant fashion advice...

here she is fresh and new. i am so glad my parents did not stop at 3 kids! what a gift that baby was and is as my built-in best friend and a loving and faithful friend to so many others!

she still has that adorable smile and the cutest nose ever

being cold and miserable is somehow made bearable with a sister

this one is just cute.

congratulations beautiful sister now a wife...looking forward to how our friendship will continue to grow as marrieds, but my how we will miss you being close! i love, love, love the amazing and creative person that you are. i am so thankful for you!

jeremiah and his treasure...he knows he is the luckiest guy in the world i think. i'll make sure to remind him occasionally

marit is four

2011-07-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

birthday daddy date at new moon

it is hard to believe how fast she has grown (doesn't every parent say that?). she is slowly becoming a girl and less toddler as baby fluff and down are replaced with the feathers she will need. we love this treasure we are blessed by every day. she is a delight. we praise God for her life and for the work He is doing in her heart and life already. marit loves conversation, expression, details, pink, babies (animal or human and especially kittens), flowers (my garden help), baking, BOOKS, painting, swimming, dancing, singing, daddy dates, and surprises. happy birthday sweet snuggle bug!
newborn

one

two (graham is pretty much always at her side)

three

four (waiting for her flower girl debut!)

a little pre-wedding

2011-07-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

my incredible sisters-in law and i threw the bridesmaids brunch on friday morning. bethany and kelly made wonderful scones and quiche from scratch and we gathered, stopped, ate, and prayed for sweet char and her marriage. it was such a delightful time. we were thankful to use a neighbor's house for this event since ours was a little busy already...thanks diane!

my brother abe and bethany came from india and stayed with us all week to help get ready. they were in charge of music so abe sat around like this a lot and organized the other musicians and such while bethany helped out pretty much everywhere cooking and cleaning and decorating and below choreographing the first dance. side note: it was SO fun to be able to spend so much time with the incredible women who are my sisters-in law. i am so thankful for you!

as it turns out, the couple ran out of time to practice their dance so they opted for a more simple version of swaying and spinning.

abe and bethany brought back 12 pairs of hand-made shoes from inda for the groomsmen.

wedding short-film

2011-07-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

this is probably better than pictures...talented videographer

cleaning

2011-07-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

we are slowly resuming normal life after my sister's amazing wedding. it was a quite a frenzy of a week with our house being the hub of sorts for family and friends. it was so much fun. we are so tired. char is the last of my siblings to get married off and it was a privilege to stand by her. it was also a privilege to hose down all those dishes and wash six loads of table cloths! now we are catching up on rest. more pictures to come hopefully:)

8-9 months

2011-07-06T10:36:00.001-07:00

miles will by 9 months on the 15th and i missed his 8 month post so here is a mish-mash of updates on this bruiser. we won't have new stats until he is nearly 10months, but i am guessing he is around 20 lbs. he is heavy and strong. i'm sure he and graham will be wrestling each other in no time. his new nickname is "butternut" and he is simply a delight. he has his first tooth and i hardly knew he was teething, though looking back, i guess he has been a bit on edge. he is my earliest teether thus far. he eats all manner of smashed up stuff and lots of rice puffs and still nurses 5ish times a day...piglet, but i love it!

he can't seem to get his knees up underneath him, but he is fairly mobile with the army-crawl and he can get to lots of things. soon he will be learning the word "no" from mommy...

he gets super grungy being all over the floor and i love to give him sink baths. the other day he was fascinated by running water. oh to hold on to wonder!

these two bffs are my kitchen help. sometimes i put miles in his walker, but he just follows me around and rams the thing into my legs.

2011-07-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

popping in today for a few updated pictures before i take a little bloggy break until after my amazing, beautiful, dear sister's wedding in 10 days! i'm hoping to get some up of miles too. the kids and i took a trip to see my parents this weekend while adam worked a good bit. it was my first by-myself trip with all three little peeps and it was not easy, but not as hard as i expected either. i'm thankful! my parents occasionally lament that people (mostly grandkids) don't visit often enough...not in a guilting sort of way, but in a welcoming...we'd love to see you and for you to use the pool sort of way. we were glad it worked out. my brother, sister-in-law and kids were there too. it was a really fun visit! marit and graham shared a bed for the first time:

fort-building

here we are with all the kiddos and kel is due in august for SIX grandbabies for my parents.

look who has been helping me out lately!

when i ask her if she can stay little and be my little girl forever...she giggles and says "nooo, i want to grow up and get married and be a mommy." she'll be a good one:)

2/3 done

2011-06-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

in two days, adam will begin his final year of residency. and though we have been fighting a little tiredness and frustration with the schedule for next year, i do not want to forget to be thankful that we are getting close to completing this phase. a couple weeks ago we attended the graduation dinner for the department of medicine and it was a sweet evening to remember what my sweet husband has accomplished thus far, by God's grace. we are thankful.

we enjoyed sitting with two interns and their sweet wives.

we are now in the looking for jobs phase as well. there are a lot of primary care jobs, but we are praying for clarity about where to serve...where adam's gifts will be utilized...and also a good fit for our family. somehow all our conversations are about this decision lately. join us in praying for this if you like!

where i found her this morning

2011-06-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

when i asked her why she slept in the chair last night, she said "because it was so soft and comfortable." my suspicions are that her bed was too crowded with the stuffed animal shelter and library she likes to keep there...

marit's first wedding

2011-06-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

taking it all in

we went to a neighbor's wedding this weekend. we decided to take marit with us for her first official wedding since she is a flower girl in my sister's wedding in a few weeks. her sweet friend was the flower girl in this wedding and so we wanted her to watch and learn the important duties of a flower girl. this is essential because marit is convinced that she is getting married at charlotte's wedding. she loved every bit of it, but was a little confused about why the bridesmaids and groomsmen didn't go ahead and tie the knot(s) too, i mean it would be convenient right?

grahamer talk

2011-06-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

i miss blogging. time and energy are in short supply these days. i've missed some bloggable things, like miles' 8 month birthday, father's day, or i could write about this wonderful book a friend lent me (thank you lauren!)that i devoured or this encouraging article by the same author. however, today i bring just a few photos of scrammer grahamer and some of the things he is saying.

he has taken into his rapidly growing language skills, the use of expressions. i love it. he cracks me up. he gets VERY close to my face and uses an inappropriately loud voice and says things like:
"i love our baby, mom" or "miles is a darlin' mom." God has gifted us with such a tender heart in graham, especially toward his baby brother. we are so thankful. this week, graham and miles have been exploring the world of rolling a ball back and forth. when we pray for our day and i ask graham what he would like to thank God for, he usually thanks God for our doggie. today his fish, rub-a-dub, died and we flushed it down the toilet to a simple "too bad." that's another one of his new expressions. whatever it is...i may say, "sorry all the dessert is gone" or "daddy won't be home until late tonight" and graham will roll it off with a shrug and say "hmm, too bad." other times, this expression provokes marit to no end...she wants something that we have to say no to and graham pipes up, "too bad!" to be followed by another dramatic wail from his sister. the other thing he has been saying a lot is "fourteen minutes." say he wakes up after a wakeful night (he seems to have misplaced his ability to sleep at night lately) and asks "did i stay in my bed?" i answer "not really graham." and he says "i stayed in my bed for fourteen minutes!" as if it were an eternity. i usually dryly reply, "it did feel like it was about that long." or i say "almost time to leave the playground" to which he replies "i'm going to slide for fourteen more minutes!"

we go to the library a lot(about 5 blocks away). graham loves to read books. snuggled up reading on the couch is one of my very favorite things to do with the little people. this summer the library has had all kinds of special programs...reptile shows, firetrucks and fire safety. graham talks about it for days. he has been carrying his firehat around ever since.

summer yard play

2011-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

time for a little therapeutic blogging. i feel sad...just feeling the weight of brokenness all around, the parenting failures, this loooong season of residency that saps us both of energy. perusing pictures (while nicole takes my big kids to a block party and miles naps...thanks friend!) of the many joys we experience everyday lifts my spirits. we have been playing in water in the back yard a lot in the june heat. what. a. muddy. mess. but, my oh my so much fun!
enjoying the morning shade from this big ol' tree

i love gladiolas

sweet as pie giggle pants loving the swing lately

roses and sunflowers

sort of a fledgling little garden...just tomatoes and a few things starting from seed (time is so short). sometimes i weed when the kids play in the water

being chased by daddy is a thrill!

doubles on the slide (i love it when they create cute sibling-friend games)

my sweet neighbor gave me some sunflower seedlings and they will be something i plant every year now. such cheer!

who cares if the water is muddy?

sweet neighbor love

pets R us

2011-05-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

so adam and graham went on this incredible daddy-graham adventure (adam, being the awesome dad that he is, periodically takes marit on dates and graham on adventures) to a nearby creek with a net and a bucket and brought home a bunch of tadpoles to raise.
they lived in here for about a week

and then on a marit-daddy date, an aquarium was obtained (i have to admit that i was less than thrilled about slimy creek creatures in our house). adam insisted that it would be so much better for visibility to watch the tadpoles grow legs and he even built this impossible-to-tip-over stand for it. he transferred the tadpoles and left for work early one morning.

the kids came down when they woke up and were so excited to see these guys swimming around.
and then i noticed that the one with legs seemed stuck on the pump and that was the beginning of one death after another as they all went belly-up within a couple hours...talk about toddler trauma! marit kept saying "i want it to rise from the dead like Jesus!" between sobs.

yesterday, we got three 13 cent goldfish (talk about affordable pets!)...so we are introducing marit's orange one named "tabby-goldie" and graham's red-headed one named "rub-a-dub" or "rubber ducky"(i'm not sure which he is saying) and miles' orange-tailed one is still nameless.

we talk about getting a kitten from time to time as well. we aren't going to right now, but we decided pax might be getting insecure about it so he has been acting like a cat...trying to be a lap-animal. ridiculous.

more bald, blue-eyed, neighbor, baby cuteness

2011-05-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

i hate that this one is blurry, but it was the only one miles was looking in...

this is another sweet baby neighbor ella. miles and ella are just a few weeks apart in age. LOVE it!

weekend for char

2011-05-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

my sister has a lot of friends. they are kind, gracious people. i think her friends speak a lot about the kind of girl char is. she loves people well. she is thoughtful. she feels deeply for others. a few of her old college roomies organized her bachelorette weekend. i was so thankful to be able to go with miles to stay in the childhood home of one of char's bridesmaids and to participate in the festivities. it was so much fun to wander from room to room in this beautiful house only to find yet another sweet conversation happening between old and new friends. char's worlds collided in a sense with her local friends meeting her college friends, all excited about her upcoming wedding.

much of the group, though three girls had already headed home

so enjoyed this charming house. there were a lot of skinny jeans on this trip...

miles got lots of extra snuggles, here with charity and jessie

boggle-mania! char's friends are good with words (like herself).

we look more and more alike

fine dining. the food was spectacular! we shared the preparation responsibilities and these girls can cook!

lots of chatting and hanging in the kitchen

a little shopping. there was so much handmade pottery...dangerous for me, you know

miles' first sword, or rather a curtain rod

amy and meredith helping char address invitations

conversations with jane, carmen, deanna. i love the green walls (i pretty much loved every bit of decorating in this house...so warm and inviting and interesting).

heather and kelly

emily and meredith

gardening inspiration

heather, char, jessie

the back of the house is beautiful too!

we stopped to say hello to my grandma on the way home

cheap entertainment

2011-05-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

our sweet neighbors are grading their yard for sod and they don't mind our little spies...