What's been going on

warning: this is long and rambling...i have a touch of hospital dementia
I've had internet access for the last week since I have been hospitalized for pre-term labor, but I just haven't felt inspired to write much. It's not because I haven't been extremely bored and find myself with tons of extra time suddenly. Maybe it's because my room that I am not allowed to leave is a very uninspiring color of prison blue. Anyway, after our delicious day last week, we experienced a "disgusting day" during which Adam and I both acquired some sort of food poisoning or virus or something. I got extremely dehydrated, not a good thing for a pregnant lady in her last 5 weeks and have been in and out of labor, back and forth between labor and delivery and antepartum(where I am now on bedrest) ever since. Let me tell you, it's been fun. For the last 5 days, I have been a very boring patient and for that I am thankful! God has been gracious to grant Graham 1 more week in my womb even though I've been 5cm dilated and 80% effaced since Monday. Basically I'm a ticking time bomb. So I lay around in my blue room all day and take occasional naps, incessantly check my email, read a little, listen to sermons, watch the occasional television show, listen to music. My sister introduced me to Pandora Radio.
This has helped me to keep my sanity to some extent. You should check it out as it allows you to listen to music based on artists that you select, so you pretty much only hear music you like. It's pretty awesome.

I always say that "one day when I have time, I'm going to...." The top 3 on my list are to learn how to make handmade pottery, how to play the mandolin, and to renovate an old house. Since my current situation does not allow for these activities, I'm learning to be content with this quietness that has been given to me. When Graham does come, I may think back on this week (and maybe longer than a week) and wish I had enjoyed it more. My life is certainly on the brink of becoming insane, so I am trying to enjoy the solace now.

The worst part of this whole thing for sure is not spending much time with my snuggle bug Marit. Adam brings her to visit me every day, but it's awkward in a hospital room, partly because she's a little scared of me, partly because she just wants to crawl around all the time. I look forward to these visits every day and get all emotional when they are over. Something about a mommy's heart just longs to be with her children. I've had a lot of time to think about whether or not I will return to work after Graham comes. We can't really afford for me not to, but I just long to be with my babies as much as possible and to be able to focus on doing something well (shaping the hearts of these little ones is such a privilege), instead of being spread to thin to be of much use anywhere. If you are of the praying type, you can pray for us to be wise in our decision regarding this.

Adam dropped out of his cardiology rotation for the month. We are thankful that this was an option for him, though it means he will finish school in march instead of february. Also, my parents and sister have been a tremendous help with Marit. My dad and adam have been getting the house ready for a new baby, working on various projects. Friends cleaned our house and then hired a cleaning service to "deep clean" it for us in preparation for the new baby and because our sickness and rushing around resulted in a lot of chaos.

I've had lots of visitors, calls, emails, facebook messages, gifts (we even have an assortment of preemie clothes now!), encouragement and have been so blessed by the body of Christ. We have been loved so well this week and I know it's a beautiful testimony to others.

There has been a lot of stress involved in the last week, especially for Adam. He took his boards on friday in atlanta and was afraid I would deliver while he was gone. He goes back and forth between me and Marit, doesn't get a lot of sleep, and worries about my contractions and hydration status and Graham's well-being. Sometimes I do not respond well to how worry is manifested in Adam and so our relationship has been tense at times as well...little time together doesn't help.

I suppose this could be considered to be a season (though short-lived) of suffering or hardship, just like Marit's battle with hip dysplasia. Adam and I have had a lot of talks about suffering in the recent past and it is a topic that keeps resurfacing in our independent experiences and readings. If that's the case, I pray that God uses this time to refine us, make us more Christlike, break down the idols of comfort and ease that we hold dear in our hearts. At the same time, we must have perspective that hardship brings pain yes, but also deep communion with Jesus and others in the body of Christ as we allow them to serve us (a humbling place to be really). I must also recognize that I am not suffering on an island by myself, but am surrounded by others who struggle and suffer much deeper pains than I may ever have to face. A friend visited recently who lost her young husband to leukemia, another friend miscarried in her 3rd pregnancy, another friend has a beautiful baby that is not expected to live beyond one year. The world is so broken and filled with pain. I want to remember that and not dwell on my own challenges as if they were an exception to the rule. Why do I expect things to be easy and to provide me with comfort when that is not what is promised to us in this dark and fallen world? What is promised is that we will never be forsaken, that we will never be separated from the love of Christ, that we will be provided with the grace necessary to face any trial. In these promises, there is a sweetness that tempers the bitterness of life in this frustrating world, a little taste of eternity as Christ walks with us through the hardest times in life.

I'm not sure what point I was trying to make in this post exactly, but was determined to try to get some thoughts out....sorry it's so long.