catching up

well, after my last post praising graham's sleeping habits, a lot has happened. it turns out that graham sleeping through the night was the first sign that he was indeed ill. the second sign being his lethargy, strange cry, and lack of interest in nursing during the morning. the third sign was the 101.7 fever he spiked monday afternoon. i called adam, who immediately came home and we made arrangements for marit (thanks jeremy and katie!). then we went to the peds emergency room, where there was not even a 1 minute wait before we were seen by the resident, who happens to be a good friend of ours. a fever in a baby less than 1 month old is pretty much a medical emergency because they can go downhill so fast and with little warning. graham was poked 5 times before they could get an iv and all the necessary labs (because he was so dehydrated, his veins were collapsed). i cried during this part as i held him still. then came the lumbar puncture that we did not watch. then we were admitted to the hospital for antibiotics (in case cultures grew bacteria), fluids, and monitoring. it was so sad. he didn't open his eyes for 3 days and just cried out in pain whenever we moved him. his fever remained high until wednesday morning. i stayed with him and held him for pretty much the whole hospitalization. on tuesday we got the diagnosis: enteroviral meningitis. praise God it wasn't bacterial, but still meningitis is scary. finally the fever began to subside, he began to eat well again, and he started opening his beautiful eyes again-it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. during our stay, i numbly watched the election...the national events that seemed so monumental before concerned me very little as i held my fiery hot baby. once again, the body of Christ loved us well and prayed us through yet another trial. graham and i have spent about half of the last month in the hospital together. we got home yesterday and it has been so sweet to be together as a family again and to remember to be thankful for each precious moment we have with our children. adam wrote about what we have been learning in the last several weeks and i want to post it here to go with the story. we will get back to normal life soon. in the meantime, love and serve well.

This is Adam. thanks for all your prayers and encouragement. Some of you may or may not have received the emails from Charlotte. Ellen and I don't have access to a computer right now so I am sorry if this is delayed. Anyway, yesterday Graham came down with a fever that has persistently been around 102. The number isn't really the problem, it's just that any newborn with a fever potentially has a big problem. So after a trip to the ED and multiple sticks in all kinds of locations and an admission to the hospital for a few days it has pretty much been decided that little Graham has some sort of viral illness, and if he does happen to have some bacterial illness that was not picked up on the various studies those little buggars are currently being blasted to smithereens with some high-powered antibiotics. It may seem like overkill but a newborn baby is not someone you can just watch and wait for to see what happens...they can go south in a hurry if they have a bacterial infection and there are no clear signs or labs that can tell you for sure that they don't have such an infection. Anyway, needless to say, this has been quite stressful for Ellen and me and at times has felt like the straw that might just break the camels back. We have been in the hospital about half of the last 40 days and are physically exhausted. Please pray for us, that God would sustain us and make us patient and kind when we feel like we are about to snap. Please pray that Graham would be well again and in the same breath pray that God's will would be done (for who knows if it is His will that Graham be healed), simply praise God with us as we know He is good and will do good in this situation. I hate to ramble on and on especially since I just non-selectively sent this to most everyone in our address book and I don't know how it will strike some of you, but I feel compelled to write on anyway. It is amazing how our prayers for ourselves and our children have been changed by the sufferings we have walked through with them (Marit's hips, Ellen's preterm labor, Graham's illness, looking back further, Ellen's stroke). In the past my prayers had at least some strong component of "my will be done in their life"...the "my will" no doubt being something that is good such as making them healthy or successful in some noble career one day, etc. But oh how wonderfully our prayers have changed and how much less pressure I feel for my children these days as my nearly only prayer for them has become, "Father, may our children be 'known by you', may you draw them to Christ, may you by whatever measure of faith given to them make them eager and useful sons and daughters in your Kingdom and may their lives result in your glory and their joy." For if this is true then all else will take care of itself. The irony here is that, for my prayers to be converted and my mind to be changed as it has been, suffering and pain were required, and not just required at random, but required as orchestrated by our kind Heavenly Father. I now understand Job, "Shall we accept good and not adversity from God." For our God is the One who powerfully bends even suffering to serve His purposes, and oh how well this grace of suffering has worked in our hearts these months...how much more readily our hearts worship God and find their satisfaction in Him. Let us worship this God "who spared not His own Son but gave Him up for us all." If i had time i would write on but I must go back to the hospital. We are grateful for all your friendships.