in which ellen rambles

we've been plowing through nightfloat over here. last week i read jane eyre for the first time since high school. it was such pleasant company...the first piece of fiction i have read in a loooong time and a very nice departure from the parenting books...i need to use that part of my brain more often. so much to learn from beautifully written fiction *sigh* so wonderful...i've also been making a lot of bread sans breadmaker to cope with night float...trying out new things.

adam has been reading this one on charlotte mason style of learning as we think about homeschooling and do preschool around here this year (more on that later maybe sometime). i plan on reading it too when i finish a praying life-another sweet encouragement for my weary heart. we have been reevaluating some of our parenting methods in light of recent reading, scripture, and how our Father loves and cares for us sacrificially. how he calls us to holiness and obedience by his discipline, yes, but even moreso by his love as seen in the Gospel. i was helping the kids change their sheets the other day and i inadvertently knocked the curtain down (marit's bed is against a window). marit often knocks this curtain down and i usually get a bit frustrated with her for it so when it fell this time, she said "oh, mom!" disapprovingly...i brushed it off as an accident and had this thought: "i am far more gracious with myself than i am with my children." i've been thinking about that especially as miles is learning what "no" means as he is wildly mobile (in the inch-worm sort of way) and as graham is sometimes dropping his nap altogether which can result in a very weary and on-edge toddler by the end of the day. we have been thinking about how to come alongside our children and help them deal with their sin, to pity them as God does us and calling to repentance versus taking their struggles with self-control or cheerfulness personally and viewing them as people in need of subduing and conquering. it is a delicate balance, but one we want to try to strike...it frightens me to see the emotional wounds i am capable of inflicting with my frustration or impatience, to watch chins tremble and then harden in embitterment...so so counterproductive.

i have also been thinking a lot about identity...what it means to "boast only in Christ." go listen to this song. it has been my favorite for a while. i want to add things to who i am to make me more valuable or interesting or categorized, but Jesus has already given me value. i want to know things or do things because i am afraid of what might happen if i don't, but "perfect Love casts out fear." seriously, have you considered all the things we do or don't do with fear as a motivation? that brings me to my next topic...we are still praying about what next year holds for us. we are praying about one particular option that i cannot put here yet that is a little crazy, but we know our Father will not lead us astray.

night float stinks, but sometimes adam sleeps a little at the hospital so we get to enjoy his company a bit during the day...a rare treat! here are a few photos.
we visited the swamp yesterday


matching is rare for these fellas because miles usually wears graham's hand-me-downs, but the clearance rack provided this outfit:) aren't they so handsome?!


graham's outfit of choice as he helps me make dinner