give them grace

adam and i have slowly been making our way through this book. thanks to night float, i finally finished it. i'm just going to process it a little on here. it is threaded with scripture and quotes from martin luther, john calvin, cs lewis, and many others. i must say that as far as parenting books go, it has been like drinking a long cool glass of water for a very thirsty mama. don't get me wrong, it is not an easy read that let's the weary parent off the hook. rather, i found it to be challenging and convicting in pretty much every chapter as the authors declare the Gospel and make much of the Christ's work on the cross and less of my feeble efforts. it was especially encouraging to me as i can so easily fall into works-righteousness and self-reliance and forget that only Jesus can change the hearts of our children.
"We work because we love him and all he's done for us. We work because he's commanded us to work. And we work because he may use our efforts at parenting as the means to draw our children to him. But we are never to work because we think our work will ultimately transform our children. Our works are never good enough or powerful enough to transform any human heart." p 54
the book does not diminish the importance of faithful parenting and discipleship, but speaks eloquently to training too:
“Parents are to discipline, instruct, train, and nurture their children. Only a cold detachment or a selfish disdain for children’s desperate need for direction would cause us to refuse to train them” (p. 82).

but hard questions are asked and truths are spoken...such as "consider your reaction when your children fail. If you are angry, frustrated, or despairing because you work so hard and they aren't responding, then you're working (at least in part) for the wrong reasons. Conversely, if you're proud when your children obey and you get those desired kudos---Oh! your kids are so good!--you should suspect your motives. Both pride and despair grow in the self-reliant heart." p54

or "Is there room in your parenting paradigm for weakness and failure if weakness and failure glorify God?...don't we have to be willing to say that the chief end of our parenting is not our own glorification as great parents but rather that we glorify God and enjoy him forever, whatever that means?" p 149

"so go ahead, Work at being a successful parent. Manage, nurture, train, and correct your children in faith today. Teach them of God's precious promises that are able to transform their hearts. Pray for their salvation and that they would come to know and believe the love that he has for them. But hold all your labors, all your prayers, all your plans very loosely. And make it your overriding desire that the Father would be glorified in every aspect of your life, whichever way he turns it. Perhaps his plan is for your family to be a wonderful example of his grace because you have respectful, obedient children. Perhaps his plan won't look anything like that. Perhaps his plan will be weakness, persecution, calamity, affliction. But whatever his plan is for you, you can rest in the assurance that he will always strengthen you by his grace and for his glory." p155

it has been good timing for us as we are having more and more talking in our parenting as understanding grows and my oh my how we want to spend lots of our words to speak life, Gospel truth, remembering the one good story of Jesus rescuing sinners...holding out that truth to our children and letting their thirsty souls drink.

and also, the book does not directly address this, but i was talking with a sweet friend recently and i think living in light of Christ's lavish grace has to result in humble grace being extended to other mothers. goodness, parenting has got to be the hardest thing i have ever done and the desire to do it well is intense, but no one needs to feel any more like a failure. i (we) can be quick to judge others instead of offering humble encouragement to press into Jesus in those difficult moments with difficult children. i am not a good mom; i'm a weak one, but my Savior is strong and his grace is sufficient for all of us.