the post that has taken me all week to write...that's my life these days, crazy but slow

we've been trucking along around here. some days i get to the end of and realize i accomplished very little outside of nursing, cuddling, diaper changing/potty-helping, listening to little voices, correcting, instructing, losing my temper, repenting, regrouping, making meals for all five of us, occasional text-message to/from and mommy friend or adam. and then at the end of the day i'm exhausted. but then, i am living my dream life. i want to be a stay-at-home-wife to adam and mama to these little people. even more, this is what i'm called to do right now and i want to be faithful in it, but it is not possible to even do a decent job, much less an excellent one, without God's grace. i have never been more aware of my inadequacies. lately i have been sensing my brooding grumpiness is related to a sense of entitlement that has been coursing through me...i mean, i think i deserve a life that isn't largely mundane at times, or children that magically don't actually need to be parented, time to/by myself, or a husband who works only 40 hrs a week, or a body without stretch marks, dark circles under my eyes, and loose skin, or lack of med-school debt, blah, blah, blah. it is shameful, discontentment lurking, ingratitude, yuckiness in my heart. today while i was exercising during rest time marit and i were watching this sermon on the narrow door and the 2nd half of the sermon surprised us with worship and video footage of baptism after baptism of new believer. i started crying right there on the elliptical machine while listening to Jesus Paid it All.
I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness....watch and pray
Find in me....thine all in all

Chorus:
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin hath left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim
I'll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary's Lamb

And when before thy throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat


i was struck anew by the beauty of the Gospel, how undeserving i am of Jesus' blood and of the everyday graces i experience each day, but that's what makes each moment grace. can you tell i've been reading 1000 gifts?

i started this post nearly a week ago (and it keeps growing and growing!) and have since lost my voice due to a cold for nearly 3 days now and have still been struggling with feeling entitled to all kinds of things, but i've been ruminating on grace, on God's goodness and faithfulness to me even when any particular moment in any particular day overwhelms me...i can be thankful for his tender care for me.
"If our love were but more faithful,
We should take Him at His word;
And our lives would be thanksgiving
In the goodness of our Lord."

below are some recent photos of my everyday graces...i am thankful for:

tummy-time, even if it is boring

sweet husband who has been working so hard lately...what a busy month for him and yet he has given me a few moments by myself so i can finish this post...thanks babe!

siblings that make their own fun...choo-choo!

reciting a book, she giggles and says "i'm mary, the mother mild. how i love my tiny child."

i am just loving this sweet snuggly baby stage so much this time around...and i'm thankful for my new contacts (thank you health savings account we didn't know we had!)

abundant baby smiles...he especially loves to be sung to

beautiful places to be together

11 yr old car can still carry our little traveling circus!

big-brother serenades

sweet kissable child-skin (this my be my favorite picture i have ever taken)

promise of spring

daddy games

dear missionary friend visit

stuffed 'friends'

camera stare (smiles until he sees the blinking light)

helpful big sister moments

toothy grins

hills to run up and down

this one looking so grown

glamorous kitchen help